Dogma

  I was dogmatic

As I attacked the attic

With my dog and bone

Rang static, through heaving clouds

Of coulds and shoulds

Of which I must atone

And pile drove my piles of paperwork

Down to the factory run by berserks

Who swab and test me like a dog

I cry down boy to the nurse

But she doesn't hear

My dog-eared cries

And yet like a family sized box

Of varieties, I sort of take a dog leg

Into doggerel like a mongrel

Fawning, forced from my race against

The clock, by the fox

 

And release the dogs of war

Because it is a dog fight out there

Or so they say on Albert Square

And what do I know?

I'm just a dog who sits

In front of a box

And waits for air

To remind me its time for a walk

Do the 'walk the dog' dance in the park

Doggie style, no that's something else

I'm thinking of a dog collar I have to wear

The commissioner? No the Bishop? Yeah

And the actress, you know the one

From Lady and the tramp

And the dog training camp

Bad bitches or some kind of ramp

That they racked up to a fever pitch

And I'm too strewn in strudels

From a sky full of smorgasbords

To care, because

It's raining cats and dogs

You guessed it folks he's here

Your one and only Disney character

Dog cartoon Pluto

And then you say - but he wasn't a dog was he?

Yeah, true blue, down to his last inch

He took it by a hair's breadth to win 

The competition at Crufts

Well hair of the dog you say

Yes.. well who am I to argue with

A contradiction?

The fact that all these dogs seem to understand

Nowadays, is how to roll over, fetch, be a good boy

But nobody is saving Joan of Arc,

None of them are running into the flames of

A burning building to rescue poor little Jimmy

No they've not been trained that way,

Even if their instinct is to rescue little Timmy

Then their training says otherwise

Be afraid, be very afraid when poodle grooming

Becomes prime time television viewing

You know either something is seriously wrong

With society or we are in a pandemic and lock down

Or both

Who let the dogs out?

I ask myself again and again, but after listening

To the song on repeat I am still unable to solve

That profound mystery

Dog-darn it