Road hump

 I've got the road hump

It's sticks in my ear

Like a sugar lump

I want to swallow it clear

But it goes, thump, thump

Every time a lorry comes near

And my chair just jumps

And my windows shake with fear

I've got the road hump

I've been living here too long

The road hump that just rings out strong

Like a beef steak rump

That's too tough to chew

I've got it stuck in my gut

Like some kind of glue

That road hump

Like a bump to my head

That road hump

Gives me bumps in my bed

It's like a slow jump off a high cliff

I need to vote Trump or else smoke a spliff

Long ago

 Long ago, long ago

Well it must have been a life

When I had my girl at home

And long ago  

Well it must have been a lifetime ago that

I took to the road to roam

Well I'm still that man walking down the highway

Yes from my path I have not strayed

Oh long ago, well now

It must have been a life time

That I left when I should have stayed

Long ago, well it must have been a life time

Well I just couldn't follow the plan

Well it was long ago

Oh it could have been a life time

When I was your only man

Tell me how long

Can a man wait to be forgiven

For the words he says

And tell me how many days

Must I be a-counting

Til I can return to what livin

was

Long ago, yes it must have been a life

When the world was filled with diamonds and dust

And now it's a grizzled world with dark sun rising

Over the lands we love and trust

So tell me how long til I will see my horizon

Broaden to the red rose of dawn's rust

And tell me how long til I will see you rising

In your bed clothes at the dawn's early musk?

How long? Well maybe it'll be a life time

Yes how long must our love rust

Nothings broken

When I have spoken

Like the birds at the sun's rising

To a new world of love and trust

Octopodimore roundabout

 Octopodimore roundabout

Is just about what an Octopus shouts

When he thinks it is too busy on the roads

While he is eating Spaghetti

While talking to a toad

And this kind of activity can be a dangerous thing

Especially if the toad begins to sing

Because like Pavarotti he loves to sing of things

That get his gilgotti and make his microwave ping

So he replies it's like Spaghetti junction round here

And then a Baloney Sandwich suddenly appears

And says Bologna, Bologna, well what'd I hear?!

Stop talking Baloney, you know there's nobody near

And he don't count - hey keep your hands on the wheel!

Mr Octopody you're making me feel kind of queer

Well I can't blame you, said the toad

I'm always telling him to keep his eyes on the road

Eyes on the road? Which eye may I ask yer, asked the spider

Which ever one you can, answered the eight legged outsider

Hey man, why are ya trying to push in here?

Can't you see there's plenty of room for the four of us?!

No five, cried the Beer, well would you look at the head on that said the toad

Then the Octopus started sipping it, the sandwich said "Mind the road!"

Don't drink and drive cried the beer, I've too much to live for cried the spider in fear

So now you're afraid of a little alcohol, hey man I'm no light weight I just want to keep my head clear

Well its too late for that said the heavyweight boxer, I'm finishing my dinner plate

Then I'm driving to Uttoxeter, you can't be serious Said the Octopus

Yes I am now my gloves are off, I'm not pulling any punches

Hang a left here said the toad with a moan,

No take a right, said the beer in barotone

"Well I thought I was the only one with a voice so deep!"

"Be quiet everyone the Octopus is asleep"

At the wheel! cried Baloney, well it makes me feel lonely

Boy said the Beer I must stronger than I knew

The heavyweight said who do you think you're talking to!

Then he started a fight in the back, but before it got bad

The car had gone off track onto the hard shoulder

Where chips flew off the block

And they came to a stop

Would you like fish with that?

Asked the little chief,

And then the line, like the front tyre, went flat