Book club

 I'm in the book club

I'm in the book club

There's the rub

There's mothers with rubbers

And cupboards with rulers

And Rulers with lovers

And lovers who fool us

There's single mum's

And double mums

There's bubble gums

And jingle bums

And triple chins

Single gins

And she's too thin

And it's her first baby

And she's in the gym

Don't worry about getting fat

And what do you do about the menopause

And do I know if it was really santa claus

Who got me up the duff

Or was it his brother's double bluff

Well who knows is the billy goat gruff

But he just appears in fairy tales and stuff

And we don't read that at the book club

But actually we do

We don't eschew the virtues

Of children's literature too

And anything you've never read

come read it and we'll discuss it

At the book club instead

Dragon busters

 Lend me your ears

I need better hearing

I've got the ear wax blues

I'm hard of shearing

My sheep has been sold

My fleece it is flying

My niece has been bold

She's shera sighing

Into the flannel folds

Of flanders the soldiers go

Hiring steadfast gastropods

To carry Oedipus crying

Eyes like a waterfall

Footfall treading 

Gently on mountainsides

Cursed yet beguiling

Nonchalantly staring

Into the abyss

Caring not whether it's a hit or a miss

As Achilles goes down at the heel

Down in the mouth is Agamemnon

The Scylla talks too loud

Patroclus is yet smiling

and whiling away hours

The centaur sleeps in his cave

The minotaur has a headache

Stuck in his own maze

Theseus is climbing the stairs to save

Rapunzel who got stuck there on

A Greek holiday

It's all a basket case of bread

From better days

But my ear it is listening

To stories