Dipping and diving

 I was going to go to Japan,

But then the Covid came and I made another plan

Then I figured I'd visit Peru

But the bank let me down

I was way overdue

And next I thought I'd recline on the lawn

But the temperatures froze

And I thawed right through

Then I booked a plane to China

And I thought forget it, I'm going to

Learn to be a miner

But underground it was dark and cold 

So I thought I'd move to Saudi Arabia, I was sold

But after I got there the quarantine was

on, so stayed in a hotel called Babylon

And they brought me grapes, and baskets of flowers

I looked out from my drapes and saw worldly powers 

fighting again over who owns the highest towers

So next I became a fish and swam in the ocean

Then I was a raven and soared high above commotion

Then I was a fox living in a hole

Then I was a mouse dining from a bowl

Last I was a house but kept getting deflated

Until I became a bouncy castle and finally inflated

Sumo wrestling the sun

 I mentioned to you

The dog darned man

Fighting in the corner

Just breathing in Japan

Someone call the coroner

The advice is this don't let the wrack

Of indecision be your downfall

Play to win connect four

Instead of floundering on

The bathroom floor

Find a mop and clear up the slop

Stop, stop now

Before the brow of the hill get's brighter

With the sun's dew glance

Take a chance upon the sill

Ring up the bill of happenstance

And cold call president Bill

and Auxiliary Clinton

Paper chain men

 I guess you wanted someone different

In that head of eyes

I guess you looked over my shoulder

In the furtive glance you tried to disguise

I guess the boat came out the water

I guess our airship has left these skies

For when I look I can see no quarter

That you have not cut up like a heart of lies

Paper chain men and women go walking

Down the street, down the  rise

Off the railway sidings

From where they lay down in the tracks their lives

Now all is paper thin, you see the skin

Is almost see through

And what they write in front

Can be read just the same from behind

No, we do exist, even if made of paper

Paper town, Japanese disguise

Paper Geishas walking

Wait for the ghost train's returning promise

Paper men and women talking

Break the chain of compromise

Japanese boy

 I'm telling you it's a cupescience of over rated nonsense

It's a total cacophany, over brillo-creamed joy

It's a sad requiem for a gutteral cathedral

Of half pandered to over cooked Japanese Boy

Well old boy I see in your hair you have cats, and rats

And some signs of despair

And travelogue dialogues of repeated festoon

With the words and the manner of Sigfreid Sassoon

Where as here the Close encounter electronic keyboard wind chimes

Seem to turn on the salient cosmic times

And left like a marker in somebody's film

Oh they are here you can see them,

They are here I fear

The alien anthem of the black and white bear

What is it we want beyond a salad and brunch

What do we crave but eggs and bacon

And can we find the time for this kind of rhyme

When the train has nearly left the station

Rule the British Empire

 Britain Victorious?

All other countries ignore us

We wouldn't know how to rule the world

Or the difference between a penguin and a walrus

God save our has-been

It is a bit thin and mean

Since the last time was seen

And rumble rumble, there goes our motor cars

They work like some worn out stars

Still bringing home the bacon

After the horse has long bolted

Britain never never shall make waves

I think we are particles, but some say its not a quantum world

And a little change here will cause a whirlwind in Japan

Certainly our fashion sucks and have you tried our food? Good Luck!

What we really are good at is producing criminals and we like to fuck

But that is about all

Murder is number one leisure / free time activity

Followed by a cup of tea, then down the Bingo Hall

If you want Variety we have a bunch on our TV

Some of the worst acts in history

And don't mention the state of schools

The thing we do best of all,

Is fail heroically

It is in our DNA to laugh at ourselves

It doesn't really matter who is getting mugged

For their handbag, as long as football thugs are glad

Then the country will succeed

Of course we need a super model, like Jordan with the giant jugs

Or to watch Big brother and see others giving huge hugs

From the safety of our setees

So Britain never, never shall make waves

We might become China's slaves

And be run by Algorithms

But the Royal Family shall be saved

In the form of auto eroticism

And android sheep now roam our hills

Jerusalem was penned upon the back of dollar bills

And who can shake the hand of John Stuart Mills

But Sheik Ali and his company whom we sell our arms

and our grandmother's charms in exchange for crude oil

Big in Japan

Alphaville - Forever Young (Symphonic Version 2022) [Official Music Video] | Eternally Yours

Alphaville - Big In Japan & Forever Young (Live Thommy's Pop Show 1984)

Alphaville - Big In Japan & Forever Young (Live Thommy's Pop Show 1984) - Bing video

Beverly Hills Ninja sound track

 Baltimora Tarzan Boy - Bing video

Little John "Finally Got It" Lyrics Video - YouTube

WAR - Low Rider (Official Video) [Remastered in 4K] - YouTube Music - Bing video

I Think We're Alone Now (Japanese Version) - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV7EaiEVI-I

Written by Carl Douglas
Performed by Fun Thomas
06. Fun Tomas & Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Dancing - YouTube

Ulfuls - Tsugihagi Boogie Woogie - YouTube

Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy (Original Mix - 2006 Version) - Bing video

ZZ Top - Gimme All Your Lovin' (Official Music Video) - YouTube Music - Bing video

Blondie | One Way or Another Live 1979 ( The Midnight Special ) 60FPS - Bing video

The Vapors - Turning Japanese 1980 Top of The Pops - YouTube Music - Bing video

Carl Douglas Kung Fu Fighting (Original Music Video) - Bing video

Beverly Hills Ninja - Chris Farley /film hd(1080p) - YouTube

Beverly.Hills-i.Ninja. - Videa

Railway silence

 The ducks on the sharp pond

The eye of the ice

The glittering tear lake

There bitterns shy twice

And Egrets and Herons

Stalk upon the fronds

Crushing and stealing

The icing on the cake

The glittering tear lake

Where blue sky cries

Into the fears and mistaken

Lullabies

Out shoot the swallows and in the branches starlings twitter

All above the glitter

Of the glitterati lake

Come see the birds swoon in their dazzling displays

Play fiddler on the roof tunes

As we walk the golden highway

And the yellow brick road shines

But there's no way we can stay

As I see the Tin man from Japan

Pick up his bucket and spade

And the black lion roars in the railway sidings

And his iron coat soars

And his bronze mane shining

Like a Sun pirate coruscated

and laid out on the plain

Dorothy is skipping doing a dance for the rain

And I'm on the platform waiting for the last train

But it left several hours ago, and my waiting is in vain

Still the rocks pile sideways and the Wizard of Oz calls

Here come the fortunate ones who have climbed

Over the walls

Boom and Bust

 Boom and bust

Doom and dust

Loom and lust

Just fit us as you cussed

And call the dancers in 

Come and pour some more gin

The Poor are eating out the bin

The thin are fat, the fat get thin

Oh who's to lose and who's to win?

I cannot tell if it's her or him

Is it all going down the pan

The stags are fighting in Japan

The Bears are raging at the Inn

The flat landers deflating in Holland

Oh force the curse

Or course the sin

The river rages far within

The castle walls of Bishop's rock

And the Scilly isles are in some shock

At Brazilian worms

And Eels slither

Up the Thames where they deliver

Rumours of

A rabies itch

Inch by stagnating inch

Birdman and spiderwoman

 I had never really wanted anyone more

Than when I saw you climbing up that wall

Like a spiderwoman you were all threads

Black and white in your life's book well read

And you opened up the door

I stepped right in

Like a viking does

When he smells his victory showers

And I couldn't help but sin

I read about you later in the comic book store

About how you fought the alligator on all fours

How you wrestled him back into his cage

But the aligator man he soon came back

He only was on a flight to Japan which he highjacked

And it was his plan all along, he never went away

Well the superheroes must fight their foes

Enemies and nemisis inside black holes

For love is the champion and hate will not win

We need make a big hole and throw the demons in

Now spiderwoman she had to rush

The gas was burning heavy on the interstate bus

Not much time before her lover would leave

all in all I wish you the best

You gave me my heart back, but you took the rest

And as I wave good bye I see her cry on my shoulder

You know we both are getting older and time will win

You've got to get bolder don't give in

Take that flight and fly away

Birdman

Hair raising

 Though in some its elastic

In others it's like plastic

The quality, the quality of hair is not strained

Some are like the hairy apes

Who in the forest reign

The quality, the quality of hair is not strained

You  may be a lion shaking off your mane

The quality , the quality of hair is not strained

Or perhaps you're a tiger swishing stripes in rain

It comes in all different colours and you'll know they're not the same

The quality, the quality of hair is not strained

Think of the mole, his skin it is quite strange,

You see him underground with black or brown mane

You think he is a man who walks about the town

But the quality, the quality of his hair is not strained

No don't find it yesterday

Don't look in your brush today

We leave our hair in every place

The quality's not strained

Though some hair is grey, some white or even beige

The blonde, the red, the brunette's head

The quality of hair is not strained

I once knew a moustached man

Who claimed his hair came from Japan

He asked them to pay for it

The quality is not strained

Then I saw a whaler's back

And nearly had a heart attack

The quality, the quality of hair is not strained

They gave him back his hair,

And he gave them back their swear

So now the Japanese can swear

With the best of the hairless brain

Oh the quality of hair, the quality of hair

The quality of hair, is not strained at all

No don't you ask me yesterday

What today I will pay

for just one hair upon your head

The quality's not strained

Don't you need me to reneg

On the wishes of your own egghead

They told me that it's not said

The quality is not strained

The quality of hair is not strained.

What in the world?

 The berries are bobbing on the rowan tree

The corn is cobbing, in the sweet acre breeze

And I am jobbing like a busy bee

But the parishioners all hold their tissues and sneeze

Oh what, what are we coming to?

What in the world is it coming to?

The flames are fanned, and the Earth's down the pan

And another horse passes on a Japanese fan

There's a statue that's a fallin'

A Greek vase is appallin'

Hiding from Apollo's gaze

Who wanders through the fallow glades

Thinking of him and looking for you

Oh what in the world are we coming to?

And the jumbo in the air is stallin'

In the sirens with long hair are callin'

Take me once, they say, take my cue

What in the world are we coming to?

I hold my breath and count to ten

But I'm afraid to open my mouth again

And if I see pigsties or sheep pens

I close my eyes and count my hens

The farm yard is all accounted true

Yet what in the world is it coming to?

And we all look lost in a maze

The shallow sharks, swim in the misty haze

And jellyfish sting, on the holidays

We all forgot were once sacred

It makes you think it's the end of days

With famine and pestilence and malaise

And summer time screams its short serenades

As the musicians all pack up their parades

What in the world are we coming to?

What in the world is it coming to?

When you hold out your hands

Then bring them together in praise

Some people leave you, and it's the pain that stays

Western Eyes/Madam Butterfly in London

She had eastern lips, and an eastern smile
But she spoke like Maralyn Monroe
From the Sunset mile
And I couldn't resist
As the sun was going down over the hill

She was a temptress dragon
Of a strange affair
She had diamond teeth
And long brown hair
And as I tried to catch her
She vanished into thin air

Was she Madam Butterfly
In the London square,
Playing all the theatres to
The crowds who stare
She had love like lockets that she dropped on the ground

And I picked her up in a bar one night
It was pouring outside, but the bar was bright
She was singing in her Eastern tones

And it ran right through me like the rain
I could feel my heart strings begin to strain
As she played me like she played everyone else
She was a master magician, a Madam of disguise
And I knew right then that I loved her sunrise
Like a star that has fallen down from the skies
I looked and saw, she had Western Eyes

Western eyes and an Eastend voice
She sounded like James Dean
She didn't have a choice
And If I wasn't mean then neither did I
For I loved her Western eyes

She had a China heart that could easily break
And porcelain bones that I could not forsake
And as I held her in my arms, I knew I could never
Ever drop the vase
She was never real, she was a plastic girl
And she could never feel, the fantastic world
Though all was a fantasy to her

She fell from the stars like an angel of grace
She left behind everything she knew
And her Eastern race
Just so she could walk through the london streets
She saw her face on the cover of every magazine
And in every cinema she played the heroine on screen
Her star was rising and crossing the Eastern sky

Well I met her later in a restaurant
But I had no idea what from her I did want
It was like seeing a person aknew
Like an avenging Angel she threw
Back in my face all the scorn
She felt from being born in the wrong place
When I said I didn't like what she'd become

She was married the next year to some
Travelling man, setting up business
Over in Japan
She had the face to fit the bill
She sold geisha smiles
And Chinese dolls
To businessmen with air-miles
Instead of their souls
And I knew my butterfly
Flew further away

I tried to catch her then
At the wedding of a friend
And we held hands
At the maze's end
But when I kissed her her lips were as cold as ice
The cold in her soul, had grown into her bones
And her Eastern body wracked with westend tones
She was dying and her wings they began to fade

But when she tried to take off
I promised her not
To forget about me
And all that we got
But she gave me her smile
And she winked her Western Eyes

Will I ever see her again?
Probably not
It was a love over the season
Of an East to West plot
Sometimes there's no going back
To things that are lost

I saw her the other day
Just through the glass
I was inside , and she was walking passed
And thought, this was how it always did go
That love is like a butterfly you
Can't easily catch,
And when you do
It's too delicate, and its not going to last
So you must set it free and watch
It fly or else it dies

And you can love it
On the wing
You can love it in your hand
But try to catch the thing
And you can never understand
Only let it sing and see the sparkle
In her Western Eyes

COVID 7-The Cruise Ship House Keeper

The cruise ship is busy this morning,
Oh sure I'm on house keeping - lowly job you say
But you see, I see it all, the rise and the fall
Of the Rich and Famous
Of course some of them come here to get away,
Just your honest to a dozen good eggs, worked hard all their life time
To get this break, this tour
Then there are your millionnaire types, come here switch off, zone out
Lean back on the casino couch, and shower the good time gals with gin
That's the sin, it's not the money, its the greed
Its the blasé way they walk about
Money doesn't make him better than me
When we're at sea, we're all the same
No Jimmy we're not all the same there's this hierarchy of class on board
And we are the servants, they are the masters
That's the way it has always been

Ok well you know I'm giving my answer
Anyway I've seen things, would make your eyes bulge
Here's the thing little Li Yan in number 14 she's the concierge
She meets and greets all the passengers, they go to her with their complaints
I mean she must have broad shoulders for the things that they say
They want Luxury treatment see all the way
Real high standards, none of your third class lark
This is serious business these are luxury sharks

Anyway I was getting distracted, turning pages
Thinking my God this is boring this voyage is
Taking ages
And suddenly someone is vomitting in the bathroom
I step out the way just in time to avoid a dousing
In the avalanche of chunder
Next hour
There are complaints coming in to Mrs Li Yan
Another American taken to their bed, something must be done
Self isolation is her decree, contain, contain lock the cabin door
No one goes in or out except you and the doctor see
Change the bed sheets, make them comfortable
But for God sakes wear a face mask,
Yeah good one Mrs Yan, as if that is gonna help at all
Just do it Jimmy, I say alright
Next time I see her, I get a fright
She's pale as a ghost, with the lights turned out
She tells me return to my post, I do so in doubt
Where did this come from, now this is the ship from hell
Some infection that we're in the grip of
Is leading us well
Who knows where I'm not sure I do
Except for Japan
By that time will I care?

COVID 4 -The Thousand hand shakes of Mrs Choo

Mrs Choo greets Mrs Woo,
Mrs Woo picks up little baby blue
And shakes the hand of Mr Hu
And his wife Li Yan
Oh Li Yan is working on the cruise ship
Docked outside Wuhan
We're on our way over there,
They will sail to Japan
And then the Philippines
Many international traveller man
But first they want to see China's mainland