The Bayeux tapestry blue

 

Down on the Bayeux

I got the blues

 They've been thatching and hatching

Like I ain't heard the news

Old Harold he rode up

To Stamford Bridge

To fight them Vikings on that ridge

He's got the blues

The broken bayeux bles

Oh who told the story

And who got the news

In them days so old and hoary

Well what have you to choose?

There's them dead soldiers lying there

There's them wives a mourning

There's them babies crying there

They've newly been borning

It's not like I am sighing

I just wish for the warning

That William on the waves

Would soon come a conquering

Perhaps we'd have saved our selves from the thrashing

But as it was some brother got shelved

By another relative's bashing

I got the blues, the british museum bayeux blues

Harrold came down, march ten thousand men

Once they were up, they were up

But once they were down, they were down

And they hardly got up again

So he marched them back to Hastings

And decided on a battle

With William the Norman

Not poor man but foreman

Of a lot of french cattle 

Who stampeded and trampled

Our tired out Harold 

And he got one in the eye

Or so it was claimed

But maybe that's a metaphor 

For Britain being maimed

And him not seeing the danger

But it seems today we're also

Afraid of the stranger

And everyone's running from

Pillar to post

Like Hamlet trying to avenge

Their dead father's ghost

But what have we to win

Or lose in the host

It's just life on the bayeux tapestry 

It's just we've pulled the thread

And lost the plot a while

Got in a muddle the most

Feeling the bruise of Britain's blues

Do we want to be reminded

Of a time we lose 

And we're lost?

Invaded again but this time

At our bidding?

Who are we kidding 

When we aren't defending ourselves?

Our man on Mars

 When I was your man in the moon

I used to look down on you

But that was because you looked up to me

And only greeted me in the dark

When I was your man in the moon

When I was your man on mars

You used to get crazy eyes from the stars

Too much starring at who you think we are

When I was your man on Mars

When I was your man on Neptune

I used to remember being on the moon

For now it is from you I'm so far

Even further than when the man on mars

When I was your man on Venus

It was too hot to handle the mantle of Aeneas

Your eyes were emerald like a monster

And I wished to kiss them closed as a mobster

Pressure rocks

 It's the day of the pressure hike

People can't cope

They've got on their bike

The weather's been riding them high

And hanging them low

Like the interpol

The atmospheric pressure is atomic

The humidity

Is like a tonic clonic

The clinics are burst in the heat

Like expectant mothers ready to beat

The street with their loaves of bread they've baked

Overcooked or even burnt

Something's gone wrong with the circuitry it's buzzing

And fizzing and squirting and flirting with flames

And burning fire and I would complain

But the weathervane told me its warning

I, just like a fool, ignored it, heard the cock crow in the morning

And then it was all over

Judas had already betrayed Jesus

And I did nothing to stop him

I am guilty as a rock

Tomcat

 He's just a Tom cat he's spreading his claws

He's a Tom cat, he's going outdoors

he's trying his luck

he's pushing the flap

nobody told him 

curiosity killed the cat

But perhaps if I didn't judge him so harshly

And throw him out of my flat

I wouldn't be singing a song about him

That wandering Tom cat

I don't know what it is he's wanting

He seems impatient for all of that

I gave him food, he had warmth and coddling

But he's just a restless Tom cat

Open mic nights

 He's your friend

He's my friend

Is he anyone's?

Where does it all end

Don't ask me

I'm only the MC

I'm just behind the scenes

I'm on the beams

I'm the DJ

I don't exist when the music stops

Well none of us do

It's a hard world gone soft

It's the bright lights with the colours toned down

It's I would rather be born

To someone wearing brown

Because the colour of life is in the human interaction

Whether that's a voice singing

Or a glance, an eyebrow raised,

 a leg shifted

The turn of phrase 

It's not in the music

But that is the sauce

Because we all just taste life better

When were in the main course

I don't mean don't pay the piper

I don't mean abandon the band

But the point of going to a music night

Is the whole darn caravan

So don't drown out the conversation

 with too much loud noise

I mean let us enjoy our own company

Not only the sound waves, boys

Keep us together

 Oh try and keep us together

We can't do this on our own

Oh and why can't you try and keep us together

we can't do this on our own

In the night there is a flower

And it blooms inside our room

Oh and in the cold night's hour

I can almost reach the moon

So now why can't you try and keep us together

We can't do this on our own

Anyway you look

It is in the radio's power

To hold you on its hook

Anyway you want

It is in mouth of the Gower

The river's strongest current

And anyhow you mean

I'm looking to a higher power

To give me the courage to lean

back and let it go

So can't you keep us together

We've no way to know

Joke 123

 Austentatious-Appearing like Jane Austen

Catalytic converters or Catholic converters

What do you cook beetroot in? 

Beethoven

Who is the most indestructible British politician?

In Vince Cable in it