The vice of the president

 The vice of the president is something to see

He takes a look in the mirror, it's his own vanity

And the lice that are resident inside his blond hair

Show how inherent the vice is that lives inside of there

Yes he has a life sized wig

It's hard to tell if it's a skunk or pig

But we know that it stinks of Mr Big

Who has the vice of a president, in a life size wig

You've put your sting on me

 You put the hymn in Hymen

You put the verge in virgin

You made the surge in Surgeon

You put the Gin in gynaecology

And you've put your sting on me

Oh don't be a barb Barbara

Don't be a was or a has been

Be a wasp not a one hit bee

Take away your leper miss lepidoptera

You know you better hop it to the opera

Because I don't wanna make a drama of things

But if I'm not at your wedding 

I'll be waiting in the wings

Because you've put your sting on me

Kiss me Melissa kiss me

Your sweet honey lips will miss me

Oh go and buzz your selfish tune

all around the strawberry moon

You might be my Queen, but I'm sick of droning on

Being busy all day working, to me just feels wrong

So stop your dancing and start your twerking

because you've put your sting on me

A stranger is an exotic animal

A stranger is an exotic animal

He is not always what he seems

Mysterious from every angle

But look how the moonlight beams

And shines up his face now what an angel

Could a devil he be?

I mean no harm 

he says to me

But really his intentions are

Hard to be see

A stranger is an exotic animal

Tempting yet dangerously

I hold the two in tension

as they battle within me

A Liverpool Lass

 She's was a Liverpool lass

She turned off the gas

Got out of the house

And came down south

To getaway from it all

Getaway from the Mouth of the Mersey

On the ship of education she sailed

And the black sailor paled

She was one of these chips

On the shoulder

That floated

And failed and floated back up again

Into a better life where the little city droids

Buzzed around the town

Her boys were there living better than her fare

She was ambitious

From the lanes of poverty

To her rich uncle Tom Cobely and all

Inherited some money

Tasted the honey

And controlled her aches and pains

With the common strain of marijuana

Forgetting all the human stains

That wash away from her brain

When it rains

Manna from Heaven

Marijuana from Devon

To live amongst 

the unleavened lawns of Shepton

The blue whale blues

 I'm a wailing whale, I've got the blues

They keep coming up throwing their harpoons

They want to strip me of my blubber

Put my oil in a lamp and use my skin as rubber

Oh I'm a wailing whale I've got the blues

I'm a singing blue whale, I'm the blues whale

I've got no Sperm left in the dogger banks

I've got money to burn but no woman to thank

I've got the burning blue whale blues

Oh man I've got sharks all around 

They're taking chunks out of me

I try and shoe them away

But there's too many in the sea

Everywhere I look no safe passage can be found

I've got to move my pod to some sacred ground

But now I'm wailing

Oh a waily whaley

I've got the wailing whaling blues

I'm a blues whale as blues as can be

You should have opened a shoes shop

To see the blue suede sea

Velvet as an underground

Hear the sirens wailing at me

A wailey, whaley whaling blues

I've got the blue whale blues

I'm as big as a bus

And my name is gus

People climb on my back

But they don't get off

I've got the blues, the blue whale blues

Lost in music

 It was all just a little bit too good to be true

All you ever wanted was a bit of attention

The hawkers were out there

Selling tickets to the show

And you needed someone to hold your hand

I saw two horses dancing in the field

And the white horses roll on the ocean

And I don't know which I would rather be

Coming in land with a thousand others

Or just stuck with one single lover

No one is truly free, why would you want to be

Freedom means unbearable loneliness

And  that is no fun

But it is that versus responsibility of family

And duty and honour of marital service

Do what your body is designed for

There's an intellectual struggle for the woman in society

What does it mean to go against nature, God's will

It means the destruction of the world

Recycling Eve

After the book club

I went to the pub

But alone there's the rub

Compared to the bookish affair

It was like a lonely men appreciation society

There were men whose wives were on holiday

Men who'd been single most of their lives

Men with families who go there to mingle

Men who go there just to feel alive

And me why did I go to the open mic night?

Just to listen to the music and enjoy a pint

I had a pizza as well and it was a good evening

Not every night can be the night of your life

And I sort of went because I was talking to you

And you left to go home and I took my cue

Maybe a woman needs a home and a family

maybe a man does too, there's the tragedy

because they've got to be in love or have respect

for each other, I don't have anything else to report

the pub is place to share a table with a friend

When you find men and women cannot truly do that

That they really see each other as sport

Then I'd rather get lost in the music of men

Who are missing their loved ones

Than have be with the one who has torn my world apart

After I offered her sympathy and an already damaged heart

To have it thrown out like the garbage into the dustcart

I remember it's recycling day today

And I haven't put mine out yet