The game is afoot

 tap hot \\ top hat

Something was afoot with the football,

Oh the football had turned into a hand

And the whole world was watching the tip of the toe

That balanced it like a magic wand

And we were caught red handed by the referee

We had been painting the penalty lines

But the linesman drew a box around the bandstand

And he kicked to death the Goalie in the sand

Then Women's football made a chalk outline of man

And paid tribute

On the same day every year

She left flowers on the pitch

the six foot tall bitch

Who showered her team mates 

In good cheer

Goal Keeper

 The ballad 

Of the Shepton Goal keeper

He thought he'd be a goalie

But he ended a cell sleeper

Deeper undercover

Of the setting sun

You see he's black and white

As a holy nun

Goal keeper

Goal keeper

Now where do you lie

Down in the flowers

Where the sick go to die

Or up in the rafters

With the booms and the bats

Yard bird singing softly

Like a sweet alley cat

Goal keeper Goal keeper

Ring the half time bell

For whom the bell tolls

You know of so well

Bring out your guards

And shuffle your suns

Goal Keeper, goal keeper

So hard when the new day's begun

Shoot straight my pretty

And aim for the heart

I'm in front of the squad

Let the firing start

I open my mouth

But my tongue hangs down

Goal keeper

For England

For King and for Crown

Sing softly my pretty

Let the new day come

The trees whisper briskly

Of change

The murmurs

Of starlings

The circling buzzards

All over the prison walls

With the bandits of hazard