Flash in the pan 2

 

The midwives were busying themselves on the ward

The porters were portering, and the waiting patients looked bored

Nothing much was happening, it was the usual rap

When a certain tapping began to tap

The matron cried "Ahoy there! I smell smoke between the sheets,

Either some aberrant's been smoking or there's a fire on the beat."

Just then the fire alarm raised a chilling sound as if to confirm her suspicion

And a-wailey-wailey went the sirens, calling for an intervention

The hospital crew acted bravely and with brilliance 

To remove the maternal mothers to a safer distance

Down the stairs they were evacuated

While around the bed pan macerating machine smoke circulated

Just then the fire brigade rocked up with their hard hats and their hoses

And they told all those locked up to hold on tight to their noses

And they stormed  up the stairwell, to fight the fire they knew how so well

The new mothers stared on with the look of one who had been stunned,

But then they relaxed with the resilience of the matron

But as they charged through the waiting room lane

A man decided to come down with an attack of chest pain 

The matron called for calm and order

So that her nurses could help the unfortunate border

Who had already had to wait to be seen

Now he had been seen he couldn't wait to leave

So what with fire burning in the upper quarter 

The mothers were gathered down at the breakwater

Of the emergency waiting room doors

But you know when it rains it never rains but it pours

And all these things were sent to try us

Including bed pan macerating machine fires

And before you ask if you can use the can

You better be sure it's not a flash in the pan

The face that launched a thousand buses

 She had the face that launched a thousand buses

Mrs T and her entourage of Big Brew Nurses

Rehearsing the flag pole march of the trusses

She came from Mars with her drink of Champions

And all you need is two dozen teas a day

The Doyens of the tea drinking fraternity say

But oh brother these sisters will have their way

So drink up your cup on the national day

They'll drop a penny down the wishing well

And care for you like you care to tell

So champion the weak, make them strong as hell

And drink your cuppa up as you say farewell

I came to see the giants of industry

And their towering ships of commerce stand

Around Bristol docks like Captains of business

But then you let go of my hand

I fell behind in the swell of the crowd

I was swept up in the riots that flowed down the street

And they toppled old giants that fell at their hands

And rolled like Ozymandias down at their feet

Then one pulled me up to my full stature

She gave me a tea to revive me and capture

The spirit of old times as the nation's bells chimed

From the cathedral on old college green

She said here's a picture of all you have seen

Here's an old record cover of the yellow submarine

And here is another mother in the city streets so mean

But then I saw buses, then I saw buses race round my head

I heard beauty birds twitter, I heard voices that said

This is the face that launched a thousand buses

This is the hand that picked me up when I was down

And this is the drink that will help you recover

So donate your money now to the charitable gown

Come spend your pennies in old Bristol town

All bets are off (2)

 All bets are off

All tinctures too

And the milk is sour

and the bread is like glue

And the body's power has returned to the zoo

Where its animal instincts

Have cut a hole through

The fence

Oh what a thing to do

And the hunters watch

The men in towers

Who call off the search

For the middens two

And maidens lurched

With the carriage crew

As the parrot fell off his perch

And flew back to the zoo

All bets are off

And now I am too

The Gods in the church

Don't know what to do

And the fires scorch

And the torches chew

Up light and darkness

Of the school yard crew

Oh I need a rehearsal to drive on the act

I need a reversal of a graveyard fact

That we all are dying and the museums are packed

With spectators and nurses nursing the artefacts

And sculptures are crowing and cockerels too

And it's all in the not knowing of what to do

All bets are off

And I'm off too

I'm going to church where the sky is blue

And the crucifix is reversed and man is a God

And I walk like Jesus across the seas of sod

But I don't sink through

I don't know what to do

All bets are off

And now I am too

Outside the doors

Outside the doors of the hospital, no help can you find

If you are the poor wretch

Who falls foul of an ailment or bind

The nurses cannot help you

And the doctors cannot say

Here take this poor chap

And be a good fellow you better be on your way

 

Outside the doors of the museum no artefacts or finds

Are safe from the curator’s prison or their stealing eyes

The Elgin Marbles are one thing, when Elgin lost his

Greece rose in applause, for the memory of theft cuts deep as lies.

 

Outside the doors of the monastery, you may find a monk

Who having got out of the habit of celibacy continued to get drunk

And staggering around in his gown, the others would not let him in

For outside the doors of the monastery all men are marked by sin

 

Outside the doors of heaven Saint Peter blows his horn

And announces to all the herald Angels that Christ on Earth was born

But he won't be allowed in heaven until he can prove his side

Does he count himself with mankind or with God above abide?

 

Or will he walk down to Hell and knock those doors wide open?

Telling all those lost souls that their lives are his as he has chosen

To live on in an afterlife and save those left from misery and strife

That Heaven's doors will not be closed to those who follow his advice

 

Outside the doors of the city, the outcasts beg and steal

And they fight each day for bread and water from which to make a meal

And no one can deny their suffering, yet the city folk turn a blind eye

Because outside the doors of the city well, you either live or die