A pain in the Aspens

 She was up there drinking asp's milk

Or bathing in the stuff

Do you know how long it takes to milk an asp?

To fill an entire bath!

The place must have been crawling in snakes

They must have had an infestation

Or else bred them

I suppose there was an Asp zoo

Oh look Mummy, another asp farm

They must have been like cows in England

Another bloody dairy herd.

Well it must have been nice to see all those asps 

Milling about the Egyptian countryside

And I bet the local population really thanked Cleopatra

For propagating them

Only they are notoriously difficult to keep behind fences

And I should imagine

The number of Asp bites to the bottom or leg increased

ten fold under her reign

You could say she was a pain in the ass

Or a pain in the Asp

I wonder if Aspens have any connection to asps? 

Talk like an Egyptian

 Welsh slates shipped to Egypt

Long, long ago

Outcome: Cleopatre Under Egyptian snow

Who would have guessed it

The first of the plagues

God knows how it got there

Probably across the waves

The tombstone teeth, gnashing of gums

Some Hungarian car repair man

On a bum run

Wanting to fix

Mark Anthony's Chariot

Oh he was an Ambitious man

Like Trump

Only on a Bad day

Trying to slaughter the

Sacred Cow

Of Reason

Yet he married a Russian Lady

Beautiful as Cleopatra, probably

Except she really was a rich and powerful Queen

And he is a hedge monkey now

Can you clean the windows of the pyramids

With the water of the Nile

What if the ladders all had tights in them

What if the snakes were really

Phallic representations

And did Caesar invent the boardgame

To keep himself occupied in the wee small hours

Thinking of Antony and Cleopatra

In all their heavenly powers

Pharaoh, far away, far away sky

All the tribes of Israel 

Over the rainbow in a foreign land

May die

Unless a Moses leader can take away

The blame

And scapegoat

Or shake the boughs

Where the sleeping babies lie

Cleopatre and I

Now you are Cleopatre and I
I am Anthony
And the things that we see in each other
Are like Asp milk, so cloudy
We neither know the other
And yet both are in love with the love
The jar has been spilt over
And the river runs red with blood

Below There are no disguises
You wear your empress' gown
And I throw over my shoulder
The mane of a lion I pulled down

The African sun is rising
And the sand gets in my eyes
There is another storm on the the horizon
And it will be upon us by the sunrise

Sahara Sarah

The day that I saw you in a single's bar
Was one of the happiest I must say so far
You had on a dress the colour of Ivory
I had a bone to pick with you
It was the elephant in the room
But I wasn't the poacher, there is the irony
Because when you spoke I lost my tusks
To your Savannah robbery, your African musk
Your Leopard skin hide, and the thorn in your side
I just couldn't pull out, like Daniel and the Lion
I tried to save you from dying, and you did the same
For me
When they threw me to the wolves, and the wolf whistles
and calls you had to endure, but you were sure-footed
And True
As the sky turned blue, and we could see through
All their games to the horizon

The Sun never sets, on our relationship, like the moon it gets
Wet in the ocean of night, and sails like a ship on the blind side
Of light, passing day hauled up at bay, then in the darkness
We pass, through the holes of each other's hearts
Like some invisible thread, like some camel that treads
Through the desert to the needle's eye