Sheep talk

 Don't you pull the wool over my eyes

I can tell a wolf from a sheep

And to me it comes as no surprise

To find you're not little Bo Peep

But a scud missile from the skies

Oh the castle keep is seized

And the sheep fold it is rustled

And the mast of the ship is leased

To the Captain who is puzzled

And I follow but I keep

My head away from flies

And I am still among the sheep

Sleep walking in Western lies

In all but one of the cases

I have run out of spaces

And parked my teeth

Into the coconut shies

Small Talk

 What's the weather like?

What's the weather like?

How you doing?

What's the weather?

I bought a new car,

No you didn't

Yeah I bought a new car 

It's a Nissan

No you didn't

Yes I did

What's it like then?

Quite good.

How's your cat?

Yeah she's well

How's your cat?

Yeah I just said she's swell

No you said she's well.

Yeah and what's your problem?

Well that's no kind of answer... for a cat!

I mean she could be better I suppose, she seems pretty happy

all in all, she sleeps a lot.. Look,why so many questions?

It's called small talk

Oh cool, I'm down with that..

Are you? Because you don't seem that good at it?

I just need practice that's all.

Ask me something then?

How's the family?

Oh yeah, they're fine

That's nice.

Yeah it is, look what time does this meeting start?

5 minutes.

Oh God 5 minutes, look sorry I've got to go and make a cuppa, I'll be back.

Sure, no problem, leave me just like that.

Look we're just chatting, aren't we?

No we're making small talk, nothing's more important than that!

Oh I see, I didn't realize you felt like that about it.

Well I do.

Ok I won't leave you pal, no worries.

Ok thanks.

How's the weather there then?

Look sorry I've a call on the other line, I'll call you back.

Ok no worries, see you later.

Yeah, uh huh...

Don't Bother

 Don't bother about the lad

Or the best you ever had

Oh don't bother about the cad

Who hangs around with the footpad

Don't bother about the bad

Try not to be sad

Get your own back on Vlad the impaler

He's a sailor, a whaler

A fisher of men

A wisher of women

A bish and a bosh

of fish and fosh

In the slish slosh of the sea

The Lily pad, the philly fad

The milly mad and the silly sad

Rad dad

Who wants to be good

But ends up bad

Don't bother

Last year's laptop dancer

 Last year's laptop dancer

I'm only last year

I'm only one beer

away

Down the drain of forgotten rub offs

Through clothing no touching

I'm only last year's laptop dancer

What am I going to do

Now I'm getting older and my tits are beginning to fall

I've been doing too many splits 

Sliding down too many walls

Wrapping my legs around poles, and Lithuanian's alike

Oh I'm the las tlaptop dancer

Now give me an open mike

I'm going to turn to stand up comedy

I'll have them rolling in the stalls

No more spit roast rotisseries

No more sexy sliding down walls

I've had it with lap top dancing

I've had it with selling my soul

I'm going out to a real world

One without a digital control

Green grass

 No use thinking that the

Grass is always greener

That the smoke is always cleaner

Or that blokes are always meaner

Than a muscle in a clam

For the wheels on the tram

They still go round and round

Still tell me who I am

On the great Grandstand

No use thinking the stage is wider

Or that you won't be an outsider

When you really only plan

When you live in a caravan 

I don't know who I am

But the wheels on the pram

They still go round and round

And what circles do not crowd?

And what silence is not loud

Or what silver lining has each cloud

So see through new eyes open

Don't think of what is broken

For each demon has an angel

Whose words are yet unspoken

But here is a hopin'

Sky train

 Starlink,

Star train

Riding on a light beam

X-box Vox-pox

Hiding out in 99

diamond necklace

String of pearls

Wrapping round this old world

Try to cover try to place

Each and every lover

In the human race

We never fail to see God's face

Yet it is only a reflected grace

Starlight express, answer me yes

I'm ready to climb aboard

Father Christmas being pulled

By sixty reindeer in a train or 

Some kind of hoard

I thought it was the Russians with

A nuclear surprise

Then I believed it was the USA

Sending rockets into the sunrise

Blowing up the whole darned sun

The solar system and all within

But now I see They are going over Ukraine

I only wish they don't travel in vain

Travel by skytrain

Travel by sky train