International Shopping Spree

 He was an international man of mystery

Then I think I saw him in Sainbury's

Next I saw him in Denmark

But he was pushing a shopping cart

Then they spotted him in Peking

Alas he was only doing his shopping

So we can conclude he likes food and travel

Not such a mystery then to unravel

Except next they saw him at an assassination

He was holding the culprit with indignation

Then he peered out behind the president

Helping the first lady with her rosette

The election was rigged

But it wasn't by him

His portfolio was loaded, it wasn't so slim

And all of them figure he had pulled the trigger

But he would snigger like Lord Jim

I was in iceland or Asda

I was wave-wasted in the bay of Bisque

Marooned off Camaroon in an Aucean 

The pigs had trotted off their schemes

To scheming ponies facing evergreens

And dogged determination 

Linden Johnson held his wenel schnitzer

Out for a Pulitzer prize

But oh I do surmise

A fall in plates

That stacked up on his garden gates

And swollen pride

And blushing brides in Eden

And Baden Powell

Told holy goats

To accost a cow on 

Dalmatian coasts

And more lured now

Than gory horrow

Of Hollywood Sundays With Mother Coyboys

Being abducted by Alien cows

Who are getting their

Own back on wiser brows

And beaten vows of rice pudding

Who are drowning now in 

All do - gooding

And cubbing, and clubbling

And cudding the pastures 

That roll

All the statures of stauettes enrole

Pfizer profiterole

Of profits in the first quarter of doom

It would be better if it never ended

For the vaccinators boom

But what bust, what straight jacket of trust

Can be wener scnitzel twisteed

Like a Pretzel, or into one

Gobenhetzel

Messerscmit bomber

Google dropper

Bouncing babies

Into a covid dam

But the jam has freezed and so are we

In the sea, the sea

B and Q and your eyes so blue

 I went into B and Q

And thought I recognized you

But I walked past and just looked in your eyes that smile

And I followed my master

Like a dog sniffs disaster

And took a right in the gardening aisle

These green machines were doing nothing for me

So I sauntered along to cements

Feeling heavier there than when I came in

I suddenly realized what gravity meant

And you and your green eyes

Oh they could have been blue

You and your eyes so Blue

Standing in the entrance to B and Q

Well I padded on down to the show room

Where the kitchen cabinets leant

I pulled out a draw just like a show groom

Who was trained to advertize kitchen equipment

But it was there I felt myself grow older

When I felt a tap on my shoulder

And in its cold grasp, I thought with a rasp

This must be my final judgement

But it was only Armitage Shanks

It was only a blast from the past

It was a chrome sea horse

Who reared up like Napolean riding a dwarf monument

And I knew exactly what it all meant

Oh and you with your eyes so Blue

Still stood in the entrance to BandQ

And gave me a glance, and I thought here's my chance

I must seize the carpe dieum day

And I had a light bulb moment

And swung right down the carpet way

But as I felt the piles, the tall and the short

I thought well if this was a flying carpet

Then Aladdin is a good sport

For I would be reaching for the futon or the duvet

Because these would be a pain in my ass anyway

Oh but you with your eyes to blue

Were still standing in the entrance to B and Q

Still on next left was the lighting

And I remembered I needed a bulb for a lamp

And it was bright too bright for the sighting

While outside it was so cold, wet and damp

And yet I bought the bulb it was E27 

And it cost me all of five pounds

Five pounds a guy said, that light bulbs gone to your head

No its filament is a good buy on environmental grounds I said

in reply, as if I knew exactly what it all meant

Oh and you with your Eyes so Blue

Were just about still standing at the entrance to B and Q

And finally when I'd bought my Bulb and left the queue

I walked over to you and said hey I think I recognize your face

But you didn't take your mask off to my surprise

So I said well actually I think I recognize your eyes

Oh you with your eyes so blue

Standing in the entrance to B and Q

And you said I used to work on the tills at Smile

Oh I said that's it, the one at the top of wind mill hill?

And you said yes that's right, and then I said hmm hum

Well I'll see you later, you know and I left a bread crumb

And you picked it up and your eyes they smiled

You said see you later alligator, I said in a while crocodile

And I thought how long can this awkward scene go on

Becuase one of us has to leave soon and you work here

So I guess it will have to be me

So I said bye

And I walked away onto the rainy night pavement

As if I knew exactly what it all meant

And Oh you with your eyes so blue

were no longer standing in the entrance to B and Q

When I had to come back 45 minutes later

And get a refund on my light bulb,

because in Tescos it was four pounds cheaper

And I felt in B and Q it was oversold 

So I said you with your eyes so blue

You've probably finished your shift at B and Q

and gone back home, well at least I saved

money honey on my environmentally friendly lightbulb 

And then I stand in the rain outside B and Q 

And I cry why, why God why? Why you?

With your eyes so blue, can go and give me so much pain

Yeah you, with your eyes so blue

I wanna cry out your name, but I never asked

Oh you in the entrance to B and Q

Why did you never take off your mask?