light

 Well the birds would sing

And the night disappear

It was the usual thing

The thing I like to hear

And it left me, with a feeling of glory

As the dance continued

And the storm breathed on

And the rain in it's legions

Dropped on us like bombs

But we found the meaning so clear

On our trail with the snails

across the garden path

And the creatures taking comfort 

From a water bath

I saw the Magpie's eye spy

An early worm

I saw an earwig leap at the crack of dawn

As a beetle creeps under a stone to stay warm

And it was a telegraph of buzzing flies

Upon the ceiling when I opened my eyes

All there ready to die or get born

In the cycle of life you don't ask twice

You take what your given including good advice

Its just that sometimes it would be nice

To be warned

If I am reincarnated as a bee or a bug

Then let me know the morning dew

From a night's dreaming there's the rub

Would I dream of being a human?

Does an ant have a fantasy of being a cat

Does a dog wish that actually he could have been a bat

As he chases butterflies through a field

Would a rattle snake that shivers rather be a whale

Would a leaping pony rather learn to sail

How do we know this is not what animals feel?

Whose to say their dreams are not like yours or mine

Perhaps they dream by day while the sun shines

And that is what drives evolution

Because you have to have a dream, to make one come true

You have to cling to hope no matter what you're going through

And it's in these final lines that reminds me to sing

It's through the cracks as Cohen says that the light shines in 

A tale of two snails

Once upon a time there was a garden

And in the garden, there were lots of snails

all going about their business in a happy sort of way

And all of these snails had a right-hand twist in their shells

I say all, in fact that is a bit of a pork pie

Or a lie, if you like, for there was one unfortunate fellow named George

 

George was a snail who would have liked to have been like the other snails

But alas he was different

His shell wound in the other direction - it wound left

This meant as he was making his way up and down the garden path

Though he nodded his head and would even have liked to greet

Or shake hands with the other snails he was passing

Their heads and bodies seemed to be twisted away from him

If they did notice him at all, it was if they happened to see a passing bird 

over his head and behind him, 

so really it was an accident

 

George so much wanted to get to know the other snails that he went out

Sometimes to their local pub - the other snails called this the Jam Jar

It was where they all hung out, it was quite literally a jam jar

Sometimes they met in the Broken Mug or the Elder hollow

But whenever George tried to join them, he found

He couldn't get in; he had the wrong kind of shell you see

It wound in the wrong direction, they said he just wouldn't fit in

 

Anyway, time passed and the other snails he grew up around they

met other right-handed snails and started families

On a snail date the usual thing is to walk around-

Sorry slither around a bit and maybe climb up a stem or two

To get a better view of the garden, 

Then at a romantic viewing point they would get a little closer

Very close in most circumstances

But it was always important for the snails to ask each other first

If this was what they really wanted and were they aware this may lead to baby snails

And most important of all which one of us should be the boy snail and which the girl?

For you see snails spend their whole lives going around not bothering about

Whether they are a male snail or a female snail

The thought hardly crosses their mind

Not until they find another snail they rather like and would like to know a little better

And then once they have shaken hands and had a chat one of them must pop the question-

Boy or Girl?

So, you see snails are very open minded sorts of creatures.

 

Anyway, George or sometimes known as Georgina, depending on his mood

Had found another snail, let's call him Harold or Haroldina, depending on his mood

And they met outside the Jam Jar as George was sliding away

A little dejectedly

"Hey do you wanna slide with me?" Asked Harold or Haroldina

"Do I? Sure I do, let's get out of here", said George or Georgina

So the pair went off into the undergrowth together.

However, they weren't gone very long when Haroldina came sliding back out

Crying "Get away from me you freak! With your left-handed shell! And left-handed brain!

I don't know what I ever saw in you! Good night!"

George had only tried to shake Harold's hand

But you see he did it in such a strange way

That it would have never worked between them

They just weren't compatible, and Harold had turned away from him quickly.

 

George found the same thing with every other right hander he encountered

Since there were no other left handers,

George was alone in the world of the garden

Not only that but the snail "Garden Preservation Society of Traditional Snail Values and Ethics" 

decided to put up signs with pictures of a left-handed snail on them

And a big cross through it, this meant "No entry to lefties"

And "Keep out Left handers, go back to your own side of the garden!"

 

The problem was George felt he didn't really belong anywhere

He didn't have his own side of the garden

He only had himself. At last, it started raining and he could forget his woes and just hide inside home

And listen to the rain drops falling on his wicked shell

Was it really so bad?

He wished he never had it, or he could re-draw his spiral and straighten it out

And put it back on his back the 'right' way round.

 

But he knew this was useless and he must accept himself.

 

One bright sunny day the Entomologist Doctor Daddy long legs

Walked into the garden to visit his friend Mrs Cook

Who had baked him a nice cake? 

and they sat down outside in the garden and ate the cake and drank their cups of tea

 

All of a sudden Dr Daddy long leg looked down and there

Perched on the end of his shoe was a very unusual and interesting sort of snail

And this snail looked back at the entomologist in an interested sort of way 

"What have we here!?" The Dr said, "a very special snail I think Mrs Cook"

And he plucked George from off the end of his shoe

And put him in his lunch box,

You see George didn't know what to do, as he had never been in a lunch box before

And with someone name Mrs Cook nearby he was worried he might soon become lunch

He had heard of certain French Restaurants who were especially fond of eating snails like him,

Though maybe his bigger French Cousins were the unlucky ones.

 

Anyway, here he was in the lunch box 

when somebody dropped a leaf of lettuce in and he was happy as larry, 

if you could hear a snail laugh for joy then that would have been it

But it is very quiet you know, to our ears.

 

Unbeknownst to George, Dr Daddy long legs had examined his shell and came to a conclusion

"I think Mrs Cook that this snail maybe the only example of a left-handed snail I know of! Do you have any more in your garden?"

"Not that I know of Dr Longlegs, but you are welcome to have a sniff about, I've never really looked in so much detail at them."

"That I will Mrs Cook, thank you."

So Dr Long Legs spent the rest of the afternoon scouring Mr's Cooks garden searching for another instance of a left hander, but he never found one.

 

On the spot he asked Mrs Cook if she minded him keeping George for a while

Well I don't suppose he'll mind, no

So George was whisked away in the lunch box, quite happy to be escaping the garden he no longer felt was his home and where he wasn't welcomed

 

Well perhaps I'll meet some new snails outside of the garden wall, George thought to himself on the train journey back to Longleg's apartment.

 

Back in the garden, the other snails hadn't really noticed George's abduction by the Giant Bipods as they called them, or clumsyfeet sometimes. Only Harold wondered as he hadn't seen him skulking around the Jam jar for a few nights.

 

Back home long legs telephoned his friend and journalist Max Webber, well Max I think I have found it the hapax legomenon, the only example of a left-handed snail, it is like finding a four leafed clover!

Are you sure? Asked Max, well in that case the poor fellow's line will die out with him, as he won't be able to start a family with any other right handers.

Maybe there is a way said Longlegs. What if you put out an advert in your magazine and we called up the other media outlets, newspapers and the news and asked the public to send us their sightings or better still the real McCoy versions of left-handed snails. Then maybe he'd have a chance?

Mm, said Max

He needs a partner and a friend in this world. We must put out our feelers and put out a search letter and scour the whole of Great Britain for other left-handed snails, and if we can find them and invite them, then maybe George can have a family of his own one day. 

I don't like his chances, but perhaps we can make it happen, let's try our best and put an advert up in the paper.

So, they did just that. And once, they'd done it, it was remarkable. It did take several months, but then the first left-handed snail arrived who was very happy to shake hands with George. 

 

And here they were back in Mrs Cook’s garden again, and the entomologist had given them a special cordoned off area where only George and his special friend could stay. Her name was Henrietta, or sometimes Henry, depending on the mood.

 

And the right-handed snails had to look on enviously with their small garden mentality, they talked about them and spread rumours saying oh look at those two, once they start a family it will be the end for us all. What must they be up to?

 

So, George and Henry started a family and then there was a little left hander there as well. In fact, over the course of some years, George had helped make rather a lot of left handers, to the extent the entomologist had to give over half the garden to them.

Even more than this, readers of Max Webber's magazine - Snail Trails Monthly continued to send in their snail mail and to Webber's and Long legs great joy and surprise they received live left-handed snails all safe and alive, but a little shell-shocked from the royal mail snail delivery service.

Although this wasn't a plethora of snails or a panorama, it was in fact enough for George to keep making his own family.

So eventually George wasn't alone in the world anymore. They lived in this section of the garden, but soon they began to wonder what was outside of the garden wall and so George led his family a bit like Moses out of the garden.

So that is just what they did in a great exodus of left-handed snails who crossed over the border and searched out a new world to live in.

Some stayed behind, because they liked the garden. George was one of those who wanted to explore, he'd always wanted to explore his whole life, perhaps because he didn't feel welcome in the right-hand side of the garden. After many years of travelling and starting different families, like starting new businesses up, George returned back to his old garden, and he saw to his great surprise that the left-handed snails and the right-handed snails were living together quite peaceably in harmony. And he felt such great joy when he could see that they could all live together happily, and he went and joined them in the Jam jar, and they had a right old time chatting about things he had seen outside of the garden wall. 

Snail tale

 In the garden,

There was a government of snails

And the government said,

There can only be right handed (twist) snails

Whose shells wind in the right handed way

If there are any left handed snails here

Kick them out of the garden

Keep them outside of the fence

And throw them out of the gate

May they never come back in

If they must be here, they must be hidden

For they are an abomination of nature

And so George wandered around, or rather slithered around

because he was a snail, quite aimlessly

And he couldn't properly talk to other snails

They were always a little too distant from him

And therefore he found it very difficult to get on

And it was like driving a bus

When two bus drivers pass eachother on opposite sides of the street

But they can't talk to eachother because they are seated on the wrong side of the bus.

You see we're not all the same,

We're not all symmetrical or we're not all perfect

Some of us are right handed and some of us are left handed

And we can't all be the same, but generally in fact always

The right handed snails could only start families with other right handed snails

Because they liked the direction

And it just meant everything together between them worked better

The thing is there were also the sort of snails who were left-handed in the world

And even outside of the garden where George had been born

It's just he didn't know it.

So for now he slithered around and tried to avoid

Eye contact with the other snails 

Who all shunned him and he felt like a pariah

He was stuck on the wrong side of the fence

So as I was saying, the other snails started to put up signs as well

with a big snail on it, like a left handed snail whose shell twisted the wrong way

and a big cross over it and they said, no he's not allowed in here

Sometimes there were these jam jars left in the garden

And the snails all liked to congregate in them and all have chats

and be very socialable, except when they saw George coming

They all turned their shells and ganged up on him so he couldn't get in

And it was very difficult for him.

One day a friendly snailogist or entomologist - one who studies insects and molluscs - which is what a snail is - Dr Daddy Longlegs

was wandering about the neighbourhood

He decided to go and see his friend Mrs Cook who had just baked a lovely cake for him

and her other friends

Mrs Cook and he were sitting outside in the garden having a cup of tea and enjoying the sunshine.

When the entomologist looked down and saw upon his shoe an interesting looking snail

Who was looking up at him in an interesting sort of manner.

Cocking his head to one side and extending his eyeballs out on their storks

And he said to himself, that's strange that seems like 

The most unusual snail I've ever seen  in my life

And he picked up the snail from off his shoe and put it in his lunch box 

And in his lunch box he took a closer look and could see that his shell

Had wound the wrong way, it had gone left instead of right

He started to look about the garden and tried to find some other snails

"Do you know that in your garden", he said, "it is full of right handed snails and

This one snail here, who I think I shall name George is actually a left handed snail?"

"How unusual", said Mrs Cook, "what does it mean Dr Daddy Long Legs?"

"Well what it means is that this poor chap unfortunately doesn't have any friends

And he won't be able to have a family with anyother kind of snail

Unless they be lefthanded snails"

So tragically that was the end for poor George

Or so he thought as he listened

So what the Entomologist did then, was he took George with him

And took a photograph and said to his friend the journalist Max Webber

Look what we have here is a very special snail

So special indeed that there may only be one of his kind in the entire country!

"How incredible!" said Max the journalist!

But if it is that would make it the Hapax Legomenon

Do you mean the Happy Legomen's mum?

No the Hapax Legomenon, it's the only instance of something

Well the fact is this snail, he needs a partner and a friend in this world

So we must put out a search and scour the whole of Great Britain for other left-handed snails

And if we can find them then maybe George can have a family of his own one day

Well I don't like the sound of his chances, but perhaps I can help, said Max

We can put an advert up in my paper!

And so they did just that

And once they'd done it

It was remarkable

It did take several months

But then the first left handed snail arrived through the post

Who was very happy to shake hands with George

And here they were up in Mrs Cook's garden again,

After Daddy Longlegs had brought them back and put them in a 

Special cordoned off area where only George and his friend could stay

And the right handed snails had to look on enviously

And talking and spreading rumours about them saying

Things like oh look at those two

What are they doing in there

And so George and his friend actually started a family

And then there was another left-handed snail who was their baby

Which was remarkable

In fact over the course of some years

Even more readers of Max Webber's magazine Snail Trails Monthly

Were sending in their snail mail

And in the post little boxes Dr Daddy Long legs discovered

To his great Joy and surprise that they were sending in Left Handed snails

Now even though this wasn't a plethora of snails

Or indeed a panorama, it was  in fact enough for George to keep making his own families

And so eventually George wasn't alone in the world anymore

They lived in this little section of the garden

But soon interest grew in the outside world

And they thought perhaps these snails

Could live outside of the garden too

And so that is just what they did

It was a great exodus of left handed snails who crossed over the border 

And searched out a new world to live in.

Some stayed behind because they liked the garden

George was one of those who wanted to explore

He'd always wanted to explore his whole life

Perhaps because he didn't feel welcome in the right handed side of the garden

Eventually after many years of travelling and starting different families

A bit like starting new businesses up George retruned back his first garden

And he saw to his great surprise that the left handed snails and the right handed snails

Were living together quite peacably

In harmony and it was such a great joy when he could see they could all live together happily

And he went and joined them in the jam jar and they had a right old time

Chatting about life and the things that he had seen outside of the garden wall

Synonyms for boring - it's like watching paint dry,

I was dead bored, I've been lulled into a false sense of dull, plain Jane, I've got an urging to do my accounts, somebody pass me the crossword, tomorrow and tomorrow crawls on...in the beginning was the word, before that it was very quiet, don't get up, I'm only passing through, lethargy, a lack of energy snail slow, down to a snail's pace, life's ebb and flow has turned into a dribble, I know somebody famous you know,