After the flood

Well I couldn't wait for the rain

And now it's so dry

I want it to start again

In a biblical manner

On the bibliotech panner

I'm sifting gold nuggets from the clutter

And the debris

It washed away all I said to you

It doesn't matter

Nothing matters

Before the flood

 I can't wait for the flood

My mind is so cluttered

Like a drainpipe that's spluttered

I'm muttering things

I can't begin or end

I need a friend or a win

But I've only got sin

And I need a purge

From God's lavatory

I need to be flushed out

Of this purgatory

It's a water closet held above my head

I know someone will pull the chain

Dead ringers in the land of the dead

We're all Zombies here

We're all walking around

Like some fungus

Has affected our brains

Oh for the rains

To wash us clean

Windows warning as 90mph winds hit UK

 Microsoft have issued a warning

That windows is likely to crash during

The coming storm and customers

Will need to update windows afterwards

Microsoft windows are situated

In the old  jail, 31 high street Wells, Somerset

Customers were screen tapping on their windows

Trying to make a complaint

Bill Gates, the owner came out of his own gate

Later in the day to announce that

He expects the storm to fully clean the windows

However it may take away some gates

So if customers would like to purchase

a garden gate, please see me down at the city arms

after eight

Gary the pole will be running the show

And Jimmy the flag is likely to be pulling some strings

Katie kite will be flying solo on the venture

And she can offer customers new vistas on the problem

The outlook looks good for post-storm recoveries

But we may need to go on a safari to

round up all the animals

after the flood waters have receded

Since the firewalls were definitely put out

Weathering the storm

 Can you hear the gushing sound 

Coming down the roads

The water babies on their bellies

With the frogs and toads

Flowing over grey stone walls

Filling up the gardens

We've thrown down all our cement bags

Now the bloody things won't harden

Out we dash with broom and bucket

sweeping back the waters

Then we lose the broom and think

This preparation doesn't cut it

what was it they taught us?

But who knew it would be this bad?

Who knew really what would happen

If the farmers take down trees and plough

Then surely water will start lappin

At your door and at mine although

You may live at the bottom of the valley

Of course we all know where the river will flow

It's just whether the river will sally

But one thing's for sure, we sure lend a hand

To help out others in need

Give them your arms and legs, hold a wheelie bin

Before it floats off down the street

But there's no need to play the blame game is there?

These things are just acts of God

Except surely we can mitigate against them

By not replacing forests with fields of sod?

Perhaps why not create some catchment ponds

That way it can slow down the water's flow

Some flooded fields further up would help bond

And allay the more tragic affects down below

Some kind of agricultural plan must be thought up

To prevent this ever happening again

It was like this ten years ago when the levels were caught up

Because the rhynes wouldn't properly drain

Why hasn't the environmental agency had 

a more stringent program of maintenance

Then we might have a case of Neptune's Staircase

Rather than a torrent, a deluge of complainants 

Let's try and deepen the River Sheppey

Make it deeper and broader

I'm sure the army of James Heappey

Would be more than happy

To carry out the order