Well I went to the Bath and West
It was high time and I felt blessed
The tents were divine
I was a child in my prime
With my friend we did climb
The stairs to the Army
As a sergeant Major barked
My friend leapt into the dark
But he couldn't grab a hold of the rope
And as he slid down
His hands burnt reddy brown
I turned around without hope
In hindsight it was perhaps a cowardly move
But we never know just how to improve
Anyway does pain do us good or is it vain
To try strength in place of self-love
We wandered on and bought the magic eye and it fascinated
And we saw the candy floss guy
And we past by girls who caught our eye
But oh Matthew was braver than I
And the streamers swam in the mid morning sun
And the bunting flew above everyone
And we came to the castle of the helterskelter
And it seemed so easy, like a river delta
Just flow from the mouth down to the sea
On a magic carpet of discovery
But reality proved a somewhat different experience
The long queue to the top
Was like following the herd
Of dumb cattle to the slaughtering chamber
Like sacrificing yourself for a penthouse view
And that was the nicest thing I remember
As I carried the doormat that was so heavy
Like december
And its black rubber sole and its brushed hair heart
That I should have slid on
But instead the mat from the slide didn't part
For I was too young, and too light of body
To give enough downward gravity
Instead the mat stayed still
And it would not slide
And then all the others began piling up behind
It was shame and embrassment
That I felt to the sound of the laughing,
The gaffaws
As I slowly pulled myself down the slide
By the bannisters and then followed
The descent of my pride for I shall never ride
The helterskelter no more
No I never rode no more
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