Wax on, wax off

 The ear wax consultant fell in love

With a rubber glove

They met in the Ear canal

Upon An aural gondola floating the ear drum

beat loud with her hearts rhythm

thurum, thurum

Until she did succumb

To the wax monster

The slug

 of

Candle plug

She lit the wick

To his dick

And blew it all apart

In a discharge

I was taken off the patient list

I'd overstepped the mark

Ejaculation according to suction

The hum of the speculum

The line was drawn in the sand

But from space it looked like a giant ear

Perhaps the Mayans had ear wax removal too

And knew it to be a

transcendental experience

Help you

 How, how can I help you?

How can I help, he ha ha he help you?

How, ow aw ho, ha how can I

How can I help you?

Being an alcoholic

 Being an alcoholic

You can park right in the space

And wait to go into the meeting

With a smile upon your face

Yes, come join the alcoholics

Oh we're such a happy crew

Everybody in the same boat

It was sinking but who knew?

Being an alcoholic

It's a wonderful thing to be

When you realize what you're missing

Is a life of catastrophe

Yes I say come along to a meeting

Come along today

There's nothing better than sharing

What you'd never say publicly

Just mind when you park your car

All the others have scratches and dents

From all the times the drunken drivers

Have driven their cars into a fence

Don't worry cos most are walking

And some they ride a bike

Because the last time they drove

Off their face the cops knew their like

It's not always so bucolic

Sometimes melancolic

At time maniacal frolics

But I try and keep it on the level

Ready with a bevel

And a cup of tea

But that's what being an alcoholic

Feels like to me

Art wank

 I went to the louvre

And I wanked over the Mona Lisa

I saw Van Gogh's Sunflowers

And whacked off all over them

I Jacked off over a Jackson Pollock

And it made no difference I could see

I masturbated over Matisse's blue nude

And even Monet's water lilies

And then they banned me

What reason did they have?

I was only showing my love for the Arts

Self-expression, that's art, that's all I was doing

You can't ever please some people

The vice of the president

 The vice of the president is something to see

He takes a look in the mirror, it's his own vanity

And the lice that are resident inside his blond hair

Show how inherent the vice is that lives inside of there

Yes he has a life sized wig

It's hard to tell if it's a skunk or pig

But we know that it stinks of Mr Big

Who has the vice of a president, in a life size wig

You've put your sting on me

 You put the hymn in Hymen

You put the verge in virgin

You made the surge in Surgeon

You put the Gin in gynaecology

And you've put your sting on me

Oh don't be a barb Barbara

Don't be a was or a has been

Be a wasp not a one hit bee

Take away your leper miss lepidoptera

You know you better hop it to the opera

Because I don't wanna make a drama of things

But if I'm not at your wedding 

I'll be waiting in the wings

Because you've put your sting on me

Kiss me Melissa kiss me

Your sweet honey lips will miss me

Oh go and buzz your selfish tune

all around the strawberry moon

You might be my Queen, but I'm sick of droning on

Being busy all day working, to me just feels wrong

So stop your dancing and start your twerking

because you've put your sting on me

A stranger is an exotic animal

A stranger is an exotic animal

He is not always what he seems

Mysterious from every angle

But look how the moonlight beams

And shines up his face now what an angel

Could a devil he be?

I mean no harm 

he says to me

But really his intentions are

Hard to be see

A stranger is an exotic animal

Tempting yet dangerously

I hold the two in tension

as they battle within me