Seagull versus Egret

Egret: 

I have no regrets

Be like me I'm free and light

Like a feather from the flight

I have no regrets, Je n'Egret rien

For I'm the Egret, the Egret I am

Light of foot

High stepping wader

Small compact, a pint-sized invader,

Stout as Guinness, white as lightning

Drink me down river fish frightening

But don't you cuckoo spit me out

Or curdle me like cheese about

For now I'm in cider

Once I was an outsider

But now here's me level's home

I have nothing more to say Seagull crone

But if you don't like me leave me alone

Seagull:

Here I am the old salty dog

Hopscotching across a grassy bog

Just a field, where the cows graze

I'm on a rubbish tip holiday, hoorah

Now you might not think I belong in your field

But a bird like me has got make a meal

Take your worms or fish where you can get 'em I say

Never mind your fancy prancing pins

I'm down here in my flappers looking for fins

And if you don't like how I've waded in

Well just you keep your beak shut Egret thin

Egret:

Go push your boat out to sea

Why come inland and bother me?

Have you lost your sea legs?

Or are you a landlubber now?

I'll give you a hand you fat blubber cow

If you get any bigger seagull I'd stand on your rump

And peck your hide pa rum pa pump pump!

Seagull:

Now who are you calling fat?

Ok I've put on a few stone, but my stomach's flat

So what if I like Kentucky fried chicken

 in the seaside town it's slim pickins

And inland there's more tasty things than fish

To wrap my lips around out of bins of rubbish

Oh I do love fast food, cos' I ain't slow like you

You just stand there for hours waiting for a minnow

I'd get bored of being like a statue I prefer to hustle

Push your way in if you want to get ahead use your muscle

You're always gently treading avoiding causing offense

Why don't you get off your high horse pick a side of the fence

Egret:

I'm the greatest fisherman that's ever been around

If you wanna know who's the King fisher, I wear the crown

I'm lighter than a Heron, he's like an accordion that flies

My beak's long and sleek, like lightning from the skies

I'm the featherweight boxer, dancing like Cassius Clay

You wanna see me shadow box then get in the ring, let's play

Seagull

Oh well you don't think a Seagull packs a punch?

Well, I'm gonna chop and dice you, eat you for my lunch

I like a nice bit of sushi, and your Egret feng shui 

Don't impress me much, you can just dance, well phooi

It ain't no song and dance, I can do the seagull sailor's jig

I'll dance all up the town, along the roofs and over oil rig

So while you tip toe, I'll be on show for all the world to see

I'm the main man, the Seagull heavyweight boxing free

You stick to your river banks, and sedate country streams

I'm more used to fighting crows, rough seas are my dreams

Worse things happen at sea

 A bomb went off in a parking lot

My best man married my niece

King Arthur was jealous of lancelot

Cyprus was ceded by Greece

Well all of these things could make you cry a lot

Some might have you down on your knees

But it's best to remind that I think you will find

Worse things happen at sea

Mount Enta blew off her top hat

Pompei got burnt in larva grease

The water in alaska will freeze if they ask her

And New Orleans the rains may never cease

Yet you've got to make the best of what you've got

Just carry on rowing keeping going don't lose the plot

For worse things happen at sea 

The day we went to land the whale or A Whale’s Tale by Chris Scully

 

The day we went to land the whale  or A Whale’s Tale

by Chris Scully

(G)We went to land a whale (D7) just as the sun was (G) dawning

(C) The gulls were swinging(G)  in the air, (A7) crying out their (D7) warning

We(G) scrubbed the decks and bent our backs, (D7)  haulin’ up the (G) sail

(C) Gleaming were all the brass (G) tacks, the day we (D7) went to land the (G)whale

 

Oh(G) me laddie, (D7) bet your britches (G)daddy

(C) Get harpoon and (G)fork or spoon, we're(A7) off to land a (D7) baddy

(G)Now Sam's aboard with a scope and swore(D7) that he spied a (G)tail

(C) Waving in the (G)Bristol docks, the day we went(D7) to land the (G) whale

 

As (G) we put out from the Bristol dock’s, (D7)  sea-wind chapped our(G)  lipses

(C) The flood tide towed the(G)  seaweed locks, like (A7) green sea monster(D7)  shipes

(G) Then just between Flatholm and (D7)Steep we saw the spraying(G)  traces

(C) Of Whale flukes like Roy(G) al Dukes, off to see(D7)  the Cheltenham (G)races

Chorus

As (G) Sam hollered there’s whales collared (D7) in a swirling (G) ocean

Try (C) ing to swim (G) against the tide, (A7) without much loco (D7) -motion

(G) Eventually they’ll tire see (D7) said First mate with great (G) aplomb

(C) But Captain hammered and(G)- First mate stammered (D7) okay Cap you’ve (G) won

Chorus

So (G)we lowered and chased the whale (D7) all about the -(G)- harbour

There’s(C) nothing more to a (G)- whaleman’s taste than for (A7) something he must (D7) labour

And (G)-there we faced the steely pace (D7) of a whale set to (G) beat us

But (C)  I couldn’t recall (G) a time at all (D7) the way this whale did (G) treat us

Chorus

Capt(G) ain threw a mighty screw and it (D7) hit the whale on (G) the right

And(C)-we on board all hauled on(G)-the line but (A7) the whale never quit(D7) the fight

(G) The whale dove like a mighty Jove(D7) and pulled the ship (G) down under  

Then (C) up he came again(G) playin’ his game a(D7) -gain and hit our hull (G) like thunder

Chorus

A (G) sinking we were ship-wrecked u(D7)  pon a sandy bank (G) marooned

But(C) still attached was the whale (G) not catched (A7) but tied up by our (D7) harpoon

Up(G) on the deck the Captain hexed(D7)  and the First mate danced (G) a jig

To (C) think of all the dam(G) aged blows done to(D7)  their one and only (G)  rig

Chorus

The (G) whale turned to us with (D7) a weary look (G) askance

The(C) tide was coming in a(G) gain and the whale (A7) thought he’d take (D7) his chance

But(G) as he left he pulled the wreck(D7)  of our ship full (G) with him

So  (C) we rode the tide   (G) had a whale a time (D7) from his rolling (G)  rhythm

Chorus

But(G) the Whale showed us mercy, oh (D7) just before he swam (G) off

We (C) cried  “Gramer cy”  when (G) back on shore he(A7) kindly dropped us (D7) off

And (G) we bade him a fond farewell (D7) and thanked him for (G) his tail

That(C) had taken us(G) home safe n well the day we (D7) went to land the (G) whale

Chorus

Last line x2

 C D7 G

Northern lights

 In the north I saw the star

And in the North like a burning scar

across the horizon

Glazed so bright

The shimmering green Northern lights

Oh northern lights like an absinthe fairy

Dancing its tinkerbell

Dust so starry

In my ship I crossed waves like mountains

As in the sky were green lights like fountains

blooming over like a holy chalice

The rim of the horizon 

A broken palace

Let the hearts of Angels sing aloud

There I saw a castle in the clouds

Rain bow road

 The rainbow road

Tied me down below

The golden road 

The sun ran down

Burning golden, shining shield

Rain tied me to her, rain tied to her

Oh the motorway is a rainbow road

Full of all colourful lights

And we always believe at the end

Of the road

There will be a pot of gold

full of all our delights

But it is just another river of souls

One we may step into for a spell

And dip our toe, just to know

What it may be like

If we really took flight

But it is all back down in our lap

Yes it's in the lap of the gods we reside

If we only stop at home on the map

And take a good look inside

So tell me if you are rain tied

If you are caught up or hooked down inside

To the rain of your love or the love of the road

For love is a road to abide

And love it is a rainbow road

Shining in clear blue skies

So get back that blue sky thinking

Before you start sinking

Down like the sun or the tide

Open season

Jarred the feeling in my mind,
Like a door left open,
I've slipped on a lemon rind
And the taste is bitter to tell the truth
Like when I trip over
And chip a tooth
Or lift the chip on my shoulder
And discover its a scab
Covering something older
Than an cold kebab
Skewering me through
With the rod I made myself
Standing in the queue
For God to check my health
When he does answer my prayer
I become a soldier there's nothing
I can't bear
But a cart wheeling
I go down the hill
The jacks have been thrown
When he broke up with Jill
Humpty Dumpty's crown
Is in pieces on the ground

And his mind is tripping
On banana skins
Forecasting shipping
Is how the play begins
Somewhere off the coast
Of the Shetland isles
A captain gives a toast
To a room full of smiles
And now he sees her ghost
In the corner by the piles
Of rope left over
After the fishing net miles

A gull looms above
As a wanton crow
Flies in a straight line
But with nowhere to go
Than Follow the ship
The Fellowship
Of Worship
In the sea
Of snow
ho, ho

Caveman cometh

 Some people call me the caveman

Because they don't understand

I like to eat my mash potatoes and meat

But I do behave and when life is on a lathe I am

The one who can shave a dollar off the street

So don't roar in your hunger

Oh you saber toothed tiger

I feel nothing any longer

From the day I grew incisors

And my molars crushed my vegetable matter

In my teeth

So I'll be singing all day long to you

You know that I belong to you

I'm your songbird

Singing sweetly tweet tweet tweet