Third party fire and theft

 It was the third party I went to

And I really wasn't insured

For fire theft and damage

Oh I really can't get bored

First a man blew up the kettle

Next the water mains burst

Then I saw a rusted piece of metal

But it was gold of course

The lady had left her jewellery out

Well what a dope I thought

It surprised me not

When I heard the shot

And knew I had been caught

I was the thief at the party

I was the fire starter

I was the sod, the act of God

My blood was what caused the flood

Insure me if you like

I'm going to prison for stealing a bike

There is not much you can untie

From a story made of knots