Night at the Silver Screen

 I tried to hit the nail on the head

My hammer was as flat as iron

I tried to shoot the elephant dead

But I ended up killing the lion

I tried to raise an army instead

But I raised a merry day in hell

For it all fell like lumps of lead

From the church roof after a shell

I tried to spell the good

From out the eye of evil

But the cult leader was well

In with the damned devil

I sold his soul to Satan

And he gave me coins of silver

Which I put in the slot machine

And earnt myself a dollar

I tried to get even

And got God on my side

And we went down to deal with them

But our words felt hollow inside

So I spoke out to the moon

Can you give me back my silver spoon

I am poor but with your boon

I hope to take Eve to the movies (soon)

The moon said why good on ya Sam

I said no I'm Adam, Sam's my Uncle

He said why Goddam I didn't ask for your carbuncle

Just go and fetch me a Rabbit ham

And throw in a side of Turkey

I thought 'Why? Who does he think I am?

His private messenger or Mercury?'

Eve said forget it I'm going out with Mars

He knows how to treat a lady, and he drives fast cars

Well I said I can walk you to the moon

But it would be quicker if you pulled on this silver balloon

Eve sort of screamed then in exasperation

And then she popped my hopes and dreams

With one giant explanation

That it was one small step for man to buy her a goddam ticket

But a giant leap for a bozo like me, so I better lick it

With that she stamped her feet, and I licked her stamp

I mean I kissed her boot heels, which made me feel like a tramp

Soon though she calmed down and we got to the silver screen

It was playing a version of the little lost lamb, as if she was my Bo peep

And I said I've forgotten who I am, and I think I need some sleep

She said baby you know you're Adam and you need to count some sheep

So there I was dreaming while this movie started showing

And she was eating pop-corn and I thought it started snowing

But that was just her kisses as they were falling on my cheek

And we were like the birds and bees in knowing

That we were oh so weak

Then the credits started rolling

And it seemed the show was over

And I looked back at the musical score

And it said courtesy of the Mars Rover

That kind of killed the mood

And I drove home in a sulk

Since she said I was being rude

She might as well be dating the Hulk

At that I turned green

And it was just like in that movie we had seen

When the monster goes chasing down the limosene

And they both end up in the river

So with a shiver she said

That makes me quiver

And so I shot her an arrow

I cannot say I missed her by much

But of course her mind was quite narrow

And even if she grew in her heart

I was still missing my extra dart

So I started by kissing, she got up with a start

From the sofa that was leaning over

And it was then I saw the mars rover

He had been hanging around all along

And like a dog I tried to run him over

But he only increased his swan song

Oh for the Martians, the red and the green

Who come down to earth to fight in a scene

That looks just like they came from the silver screen

But in fact it was just an earth man acting so mean

Eve said why do we need an invasion

When we already have our own privation

Of love and harmony and human persuasion

When one will wants to bend the other's to their own

Still I could see the little green man 

Had her all riled up over a bean can

Whether spilt or piled or drained those human beans

Don't add up to much compared to life on the silver screen