Have my cake and eat it

 Well I hit rock bottom

With a rock cake

They said I was forgotten

But I've been on the bake

It's not that it's Stollen, or sponge or date

Oh just want to have my cake and eat it

It's a shame that a man these days can't decide

Whether to be a woman and have to wear a disguise

It's not the way I cut the mustard or bake my bread

Oh I  just want to have my cake and eat it

Yes you've been giving me these excuses

About the size of your cake tin, and how it was faked in

 and how I have to use it

But I just like the cream and jam, Pam

Oh I just want to have my cake and eat it

I've seen madams make cakes in the confectory

They all look so tempting, but it's like I'm stuck inside a rectory

And even the Vicar likes his cake with tea, like me

Oh but I just want to have my cake and eat it

What has happened to the world ma

It all seems so absurd ma

If I were Marie-antoinette, I think I'd get it in the neck

For saying let them all eat cake

Oh I just want to have my cake and eat it

It maybe a mignon, or a chocolate bourbon

Perhaps an eclair, I don't care

But if you tell me I can't have it

I'll just reach in the jar and grab it

Oh I just want to have my cake and eat it

It's been such a long while

Since I've been able to smile

So why can't I just have my cake and eat it?!