Drink to love

 I drink and remember the times

In the Hungarian pub with Dorka 

With a beer and an unicum, and 

An unicum and a beer

And her showing me around

And the excitement I felt about being in Budapest and meeting her

And everything was new and thrilling

And I just don't feel that now

Everything feels numb

And dead to me

I wish it wasn't so

But it is

Maybe I'm depressed

I probably am

Maybe it's that life is as thin

As a slice of

Parma ham

And the night seemed filled with possibilities

Only I screwed it up like I always do

Like a piece of paper

In the trash I threw

Away all the love I felt for you

All the love

Like a velvet glove

So soft to touch

But I've had enough

Of stuff

Like guilt and gelded reasons

And postures meant for older seasons

I've met an elf

Who said the self

Is not what you make

But what you shelf

And store like a cake

a wealth of the twelfth 

night or aching tooth

I've tried to evolve like some

Elven flower,

But I must admit I lack the power

To dynamite the proof

Of life from out the quarry of expectation

Where I live my life

Forever tunneling into

Hard rock excavations

But when I was in that pub, my heart was

Sore because I loved another amore

But could not walk back through that door

And yet the feelings lingered

And so not in might to move on

I kept singing a slow sad song 

Of a deep river along

Which we meandered together

But up on the surface

I was flitting as a wagtail

On a river bank

Hopping like a turn

Dancing the cucaracha with Dorka

While inside singing of Saigon

And Madam Butterfly 

Who I loved, but had to leave her

Like a sailor in a song

Yes and now that river is slow and dirty

Murky waters

Over wasted lands

What's polluted and what I've tasted

Is like sand falling through my hands

There was once a sweet spot in my heart

It's true, and I kept it oh for only you

But not for long, like the morning dew

We must depart

We're through

And I always had to be the barrel

Chaser

Walking on the rolling wagon

And off the double spacer

Taking love like a leaver

Pulled down by the believer

In the pub or in the pew

But here's the rub, 

I was always in love 

With you