Contract killer

 I wanted to leave my job

So I thought I'd hire

A contract killer

To terminate my contract

Well it didn't turn out 

Quite the way that I'd imagined

First of all a terminator

In the form of Arnold Schwarzenegger came after me

You know I tried to reason with him

Said look it's in the final clause

I must be given at least 2 week's notice

Before my life is paused

But you know he just wouldn't listen

You know what robots are like

You tell them one thing

They think another, then they take everything in a different light

I said " well I didn't read anything in the small print

about no robots from the future!"

And what about my redundancy and what about my rights?

He said 'We know what you are going to do, before you even do it

So there is no point in contradicting yourself

You made your bed now lie in it!"

With that he pointed with a bony finger

to the small print which said

contractee must work for life

Or else he is better off dead

And I thought what am I an ant?

You want me to be a machine?

I'm a man I said and I have my rights

And I just want to be free!

I was a man once too he said until I saw the light

And then Dr Frankenstein helped me to become

The man I was destined to be

 Man, I said, you ain't no man

Then he showed me his gold teeth

Look you can be like me,

The company will set you free

All you must do is give them your heart

And in its place you'll receive a heart of gold

And beyond that every other part of your body

Can be traded and sold

So you see life is not a bed of roses

And even as I am in my death throeses

I look up into the terminator's dying red eye

And think my oh my, well what a guy

He is only trying to do his job

I know it's nothing personal

It's just that's the thing about a contract

It turns your life into something commercial

As if you can buy and sell your time so cheap

That some contract killer my life can reap

And cut me down like the corn

Oh who signed my contract when I was born?

I know I got a certificate to show I am alive

And I guess I'll get another when I die

But in between to what do I qualify?

These pieces of paper like milestones through life

Are only as much use to me as to the next guy

And they sure don't protect you when you go under the knife

I'd like some insurance that a job won't take my life