The white van vaccine man

Why is a vaccine political?

I don't want a shot in the arm of nationalism

Should the vaccine be exported in a van

Or will there be an export ban?

I imagine a white van man

delivering vaccines around the country

Opening his refrigerated coat pockets to show

a clattering collection of vials and test tubes:

Fancy a bit of Pfizer madam? - hot off the press

or a tipple of Astrazeneca?

How about I shoot you with Moderna?

It's the great hold up

It's a one-armed robbery madam

Literally I'm robbing myself blind

I'd give an arm and leg to be in the position you're in

Oh I wish I had the chance to take all these vaccines

But alas I can't, I'm allergic you see

I tried the Chinese one it turned my head red

I tried the Russian Sputnik and it gave me

A free kick, loose limbs and a few ticks

But other than that no bad side effects

In fact I fitted in well in Moscow Square

They are all a little bit mad over there

So anyway try a vaccine out the back of my van

All refrigerated, never mind the export ban

Why should a vaccine be a political pawn?

I never knew a person didn't want to get born

So why in the hell would they want to die?

For lack of agreement between two conflicting sides

When we all know it's about Brexit and EU's misgivings

Oh who knew the exit would be a farewell without forgivings?

Anyway the little man has to thrive

And Britain is made up of small businesses like mine

I should say forget it and go back to plumbing

But what the hell I thought when I saw a vaccinator thumbing

A ride

Why not help the little guy?

He's just trying to get across the border

Doesn't mean everyone is an Astrazeneca hoarder

But it turns out this chap knew more than first appeared

And he could get a stash of vaccines from a  grotto (as Santa feared)

But that's not the worst place to find them stowed

No I've seen them under bridges and in the forks in the road

I've seen them locked in fridges so none of them could get out

So I'm the vaccine liberator, call me Che Guevara without a doubt

This vaccine dispensation has been a war of attrition

And it needs guerrilla fighters who are willing to do so for a small commission

So come on Madam why not buy an armful?

You've got vaccines from the East and West and none of them are harmful!

Boost yourself up, give yourself a jab, it's just and wink and a nudge, but

It's hardly smash and grab

And you can be sure they haven't fallen off the back of a lorry

Look it says it on the plastic bag - if broken we are very sorry

There is no use in looking like that at me Madam

Well what would Eve have done? Would she have turned down Adam?

And he was sold on an apple and a promise of something better

Well this comes with a guarantee written in bold letters

Product of the EU or Made in China, 

manufactured in Russia or by Uncle Sam Junior

The only one I'm not so sure about is Oxford Astrazeneca

But the clues are in the name Madam, though that's terra incognita