Climate change carol

 Wishing for a warm Christmas with no ice upon the trees

There'll be no need for log fires

It will be 35 degrees

And Rudolph will need a shave

Better get a camel in for hire

Because the climate change is coming

Nothing left to save from the fire

Well be hanging up our flip flops

Dressing up in shorts, 

We'll be as hot as rhyming hip-hops

Running in our JD sports

If you hear us carolling, 

It'll have Caribbean tingle

And the Jamaican rum barrelling

Will be our tropical jingle-jangle-jingle 

Light up the barbie we're going

Down under

It's blistering in Tinsel town 

And the decked halls are full of crazy thunder

Breaking all our humid brows

Under the mistletoe

kissing hot lips on cold ships

As the hair dryer wind blows

Up along the scorching streets

And whistles through the windows

Holly wreaths on the doors of nuclear families

Like in a nuclear fall out all sing so happily

Merry atomic baubles to you

I can't see a Partridge sitting in the tree

It's either fallen off his perch

Or flown North to the Arctic sea

Where glaciers are researched

But no scientist has found them yet

They are lost like needle in the burning haystack

Of the gulf stream jet

No more frost on window panes 

but the sea level is rising

Soon it'll be flowing up the country lanes

But let's not be the doom Sayers

Or merchants of ungrounded fears

There'll still be Mark's and Spencer's

And you'll have time to buy some beers

Just relax on your sofa while it's floating

And switch on the King's speech

Hell be uttering he's not for voting

In a climate where miscreants preach

And the equator is sweltering

There are forests on the Poles

And we'll all be for tightening our purse strings

While watching our pennies fall through ozone holes