Christmas in a nutshell

 Well I tried to crack my walnuts

I tried to eat my cashews

But the fact of the matter man

Is while I try to eschew

My worldly responsibilities

Of academia mediocrities

My macadamia Aristoteles

Was shooing away a squirrel

Keep your Christmas platitudes

I've got my attitudes

You could give me some latitude

But of course you already do

Perhaps it's unresolved trauma

Of some bedroom Nessun dorma

But swap my Nissan for a Korma

And my Kingdom for a horse or two

I've definitely suffered slings and arrows

But unlike Hamlet, I took to wheelbarrows

Less dramatic one could say than murder

Probably more phlegmatic

Easily a more cowardly act it

is it to be a herder than a murderer

Yet we can't all be Shakespeare's Hamlet

 We can't all die on our swords

As Yul Brynner says in the Magnificent Seven

A coward dies a thousand times

A hero only once

Perhaps that's a choice I make

Perhaps I need some more Christmas nuts