Couldn't fault her

 Sally thumper

College thumper

Oh they all were in the bumper

Bumper of tides right up to

The jumper

He jumped her, he didn't jump her

Oh perhaps they suit one another

It could have been his mother

He was the spit of her brother

Oh thumper, college thumper

Grown green as petrol pumper

Looking in the locked windscreen

Of a shifty customer

Make a liner, make a leaner, it's

Always getting cleaner

Apart from when it's getting leaner

In the heat of the sun

Well he dumped her, and she

humped her and they all fell 

Around in the summer

What a bummer

That scummer

Didn't somersault her bank vaulter

Did the polka with voltaire

Did Malta with Fred Astaire

She was a moulter and soon

Had lost all her hair

Couldn't fault her

Better bolt her

Down like the table's chair

Out on the rough seas

Of life's faultless cares

Love will pull you through

 When you think that you have had enough

Dig deep eat grit and try to be tough

For there is not one but two

And love will pull you through

When this whole world has driven you down

You feel left out like some kind of clown

Hold on, hold out for the new kid in town

Called love 

Love will pull you through

Yes love will pull you through

Oh lord,

It's a reined horse, it's a mighty canoo

It will haul you up

Put you on its back

And love will pull you through

Miscellaneous

 New year's wind

Well it could the Brussel sprout

That I've been eating

Or it could be broccoli

Or something like that

But there's a new year's wind

Blowing strong

I took a hoover for a hover

and vacuumed up the vacuum

But there was nought to suck

I thought with luck

I'll have cleaned this space room

By Tuesday's moon

Of course there is no room in space

There is no space in room

If you thought a force was there

Of course

It's what made the big bang boom.

Advert for gardening:

Man considering how to cut his wife's hedge cautiously saying:

Well we could do it like that, but you know I don't want to do it like that if your mother won't like it

Screen cuts to sign: Stop Hedging your bets

Gardener comes on:

Just cuts hedges

Where's the bloody water gone?

 Who turned the taps off at Niagra?

I was planning to have my bath

You know it's run out steam

And now its just a trickle of a stream

The bloke who did it must be having a laugh

Who stopped Victoria's Fall

Well the smoke that thunders

Is never such a wonder 

When there's no bloody water on the wall

Well what has happened to my Angel?

She fell from heaven they say

Well by the look of things she's going to stay that way

What has happened to my Angel?

Did she decide the Earth was junk?

Well she's packed up her trunk

She said this hellholes drunk

All the water I had left and now I'm sunk

Oh what has happened to my Angel?

Now what happened to Iguaza?

And her 200 water babies?

She was mother nature

Now she's drier than mid Australia

Where will her babies get their nurture?

Who stanched the flow of Iguaza

Was it the fat Anaconda?

Who lay on his belly

When his body went to jelly

Like a conga eel on his back

Well what's happened to all her water babies?

Where did they all go

Two hundred and fifty three cataracts

Now that's a nifty little free fact

But don't act like you didn't already know

Who turned off the water to the world, hey?

Now we're as dry as a desert land's dead pool, hey

And if I catch up to the guy who is playing this joke

Well you better believe you'll see some thundering smoke

Dartmoor zoo

 Monkeys escaped from Longleat 

Pull windscreen wipers off cars

Have a fondness for Carwash machines

Think their bristly brooms

Their home

It's  a monkey puzzle tree to me

Pumas roaming the hills of Dartmoor

Dartmoor prison of brothers and nuns

The beast is on the loose, always

Prowling on the lookout for you

Like a lion

They beat the devil out of a man

And now he too is set free

Ready to step into another's body

Get out, get out I tell thee

The gulls in the sky

Black-headed ones flock

In large numbers

You can never call them sea gulls anymore

as Most of them have never even

heard of it, let alone seen it.

There's mould growing on my bathroom wall

Does that count as natural or unnatural?

I clean it off, but it reappears like a stain

Upon my soul

Out, out damn spot!

They bought a zoo

To show what could be done

With dollop of determination

And a side serving of salt and grit

And they did it

The animals were saved

As if by Noah

Still they are a little incongruous

On Dartmoor

Canned worms

 Canned worms

She looks into my deepest soul

And sees canned worms

Canned worms

Canned worms

She puts me on a hook

Dangles me in front of the moon

The silver fish leap up 

Bite little chunks out of me

Moon food, moon food

And canned worms

Hope in the rain

 The days they seem too long

Though not as long as the song

That the songbird sings on dunes

That ebb and flow with the moon

And I am caught between the shadows

And the curtains of the windows

Singing a tune for you

The flag is hoisted in the castle

I see the knights ride in

But have I pawned the dirty rascal

Who calls me back to the king

And the Bishop eying the Queen

Only a peasants rebellion will win the scene

What's done is done, what's been has been

Singing a tune for you

The day that Christmas came and went

Found me in a little tent

Praying for the windows

Into out of, round the bend

Of the road of good intent

Before I rode up to your window

And showered you with flowers

From the chimney sweep's chimney

Just singing a tune for you

Making up the last verse

Was like I had you on my shoulder

Singing to me lovely dreams not ever getting older

Only fleeting like the blizzards, ever getting colder

Until I warm them by your fire

Makes my mind a little kinder

Once again my hope is that I shall find her

Singing a tune for you