In the garden,
There was a government of snails
And the government said,
There can only be right handed (twist) snails
Whose shells wind in the right handed way
If there are any left handed snails here
Kick them out of the garden
Keep them outside of the fence
And throw them out of the gate
May they never come back in
If they must be here, they must be hidden
For they are an abomination of nature
And so George wandered around, or rather slithered around
because he was a snail, quite aimlessly
And he couldn't properly talk to other snails
They were always a little too distant from him
And therefore he found it very difficult to get on
And it was like driving a bus
When two bus drivers pass eachother on opposite sides of the street
But they can't talk to eachother because they are seated on the wrong side of the bus.
You see we're not all the same,
We're not all symmetrical or we're not all perfect
Some of us are right handed and some of us are left handed
And we can't all be the same, but generally in fact always
The right handed snails could only start families with other right handed snails
Because they liked the direction
And it just meant everything together between them worked better
The thing is there were also the sort of snails who were left-handed in the world
And even outside of the garden where George had been born
It's just he didn't know it.
So for now he slithered around and tried to avoid
Eye contact with the other snails
Who all shunned him and he felt like a pariah
He was stuck on the wrong side of the fence
So as I was saying, the other snails started to put up signs as well
with a big snail on it, like a left handed snail whose shell twisted the wrong way
and a big cross over it and they said, no he's not allowed in here
Sometimes there were these jam jars left in the garden
And the snails all liked to congregate in them and all have chats
and be very socialable, except when they saw George coming
They all turned their shells and ganged up on him so he couldn't get in
And it was very difficult for him.
One day a friendly snailogist or entomologist - one who studies insects and molluscs - which is what a snail is - Dr Daddy Longlegs
was wandering about the neighbourhood
He decided to go and see his friend Mrs Cook who had just baked a lovely cake for him
and her other friends
Mrs Cook and he were sitting outside in the garden having a cup of tea and enjoying the sunshine.
When the entomologist looked down and saw upon his shoe an interesting looking snail
Who was looking up at him in an interesting sort of manner.
Cocking his head to one side and extending his eyeballs out on their storks
And he said to himself, that's strange that seems like
The most unusual snail I've ever seen in my life
And he picked up the snail from off his shoe and put it in his lunch box
And in his lunch box he took a closer look and could see that his shell
Had wound the wrong way, it had gone left instead of right
He started to look about the garden and tried to find some other snails
"Do you know that in your garden", he said, "it is full of right handed snails and
This one snail here, who I think I shall name George is actually a left handed snail?"
"How unusual", said Mrs Cook, "what does it mean Dr Daddy Long Legs?"
"Well what it means is that this poor chap unfortunately doesn't have any friends
And he won't be able to have a family with anyother kind of snail
Unless they be lefthanded snails"
So tragically that was the end for poor George
Or so he thought as he listened
So what the Entomologist did then, was he took George with him
And took a photograph and said to his friend the journalist Max Webber
Look what we have here is a very special snail
So special indeed that there may only be one of his kind in the entire country!
"How incredible!" said Max the journalist!
But if it is that would make it the Hapax Legomenon
Do you mean the Happy Legomen's mum?
No the Hapax Legomenon, it's the only instance of something
Well the fact is this snail, he needs a partner and a friend in this world
So we must put out a search and scour the whole of Great Britain for other left-handed snails
And if we can find them then maybe George can have a family of his own one day
Well I don't like the sound of his chances, but perhaps I can help, said Max
We can put an advert up in my paper!
And so they did just that
And once they'd done it
It was remarkable
It did take several months
But then the first left handed snail arrived through the post
Who was very happy to shake hands with George
And here they were up in Mrs Cook's garden again,
After Daddy Longlegs had brought them back and put them in a
Special cordoned off area where only George and his friend could stay
And the right handed snails had to look on enviously
And talking and spreading rumours about them saying
Things like oh look at those two
What are they doing in there
And so George and his friend actually started a family
And then there was another left-handed snail who was their baby
Which was remarkable
In fact over the course of some years
Even more readers of Max Webber's magazine Snail Trails Monthly
Were sending in their snail mail
And in the post little boxes Dr Daddy Long legs discovered
To his great Joy and surprise that they were sending in Left Handed snails
Now even though this wasn't a plethora of snails
Or indeed a panorama, it was in fact enough for George to keep making his own families
And so eventually George wasn't alone in the world anymore
They lived in this little section of the garden
But soon interest grew in the outside world
And they thought perhaps these snails
Could live outside of the garden too
And so that is just what they did
It was a great exodus of left handed snails who crossed over the border
And searched out a new world to live in.
Some stayed behind because they liked the garden
George was one of those who wanted to explore
He'd always wanted to explore his whole life
Perhaps because he didn't feel welcome in the right handed side of the garden
Eventually after many years of travelling and starting different families
A bit like starting new businesses up George returned back his first garden
And he saw to his great surprise that the left handed snails and the right handed snails
Were living together quite peacably
In harmony and it was such a great joy when he could see they could all live together happily
And he went and joined them in the jam jar and they had a right old time
Chatting about life and the things that he had seen outside of the garden wall
