love bird

 When the death of desire reaches up

Like fingers of a twisted tree

And love fled like a bird from my hand

I let it go

I let it go

But did not let love grow

Lying on my sofa

 Lying on my sofa

Like I want it all

Like I want it all to come to me

Lying on my sofa

Just napping, napping,

Napping to eternity

Lyng on my sofa, lying on my sofa

Like I want it all

Just lying on my sofa

Just being a loafa

It's so funny

Lying on my sofa

I'm so happy

in a nappy

Lying on the sofa

I'm happy without

a nappy

I'm lying on the sofa now

Stretching my feet out

Stretching my feet out

Oh I'm lying on the sofa like some kind of Goffer

Lying on the sofa now

What do you go for, Christopher?

What do you go for now?

I go for lying, napping like a lion

Lying on the sofa now

Come on palm trees sway

Come on ocean spray

Come show me coconuts

All dropping on the butts

Come on palm trees sway, 

Come on feel the ocean spray

Oh come on coconuts

Dropping on those big brown butts

I said sofa, sofa

Sofa so good

Lying on my sofa,

Just being a loafa

Lying on my sofa good

You can come and join me

Come and join me in the neighbourhood

If you're around about this town

You can come in from out the hood

Lying on my sofa

Come and sit down upon my knee

And we'll enjoy being goffers

All through eternity

Dogs alive

These are the dogs of war

Little Chihuahuas, with their spirits so Ya Ya

Careering headlong into the fray

And other Jack Russells that go for your ankles

And can bring a lion to bay

German schnauzers with sausage dog trousers

Short in the leg, but not in the tooth

And husky sheep dogs who cough near to dusk

And end up lying down on white truth

 These are the dogs of war

You say

Let them loose

Let them run away

They were born to have fun

Wild dogs on the run

Oh let them loose, let them loose 

Cocker spaniel beagles

Whose ears point up

When they hear their queen shuffling

In her slippers and cup

Of cocoa ready

For a lie on the rug

Or a cool collection of the latest little pups

 

And dogs die in hot cars

Don't you know

And a dog is for life not for Christmas

And stray dogs fall foul of criminals

On the prowl

So, keep them home and wrapped up

 

German shepherds make police dogs

They can sniff a drug deal out

From five thousand yards

At airports, they are trained as land sweepers

And ready with spider senses to follow up hard

 

Labrador and Golden retrievers

Make such wonderful believers

They can make a blind man see, if you follow after me

They say I'll guide you home to your happy family

 

But there are those who will turn up their noses

Like Dalmatians with coach dog special poses

Who think themselves better than the queen of red letter

And whose furry pelts Cruella tried to get her

 

But best of all are the Socrates, who think with a tilt of their heads

They remember the names of the toys you have said

And can go and collect them for you faster than

Postman Fred

 

These are the philosopher kings of dogs

They soar intellectually above the others like Gods

While your average might know only two words

These Descartes and Aristotles are on ten at least

So never sit down to a game of chess with one

Unless you're half-witted or you'll lose your crown

And Dogs will rule humans in a world upside down

Where black is white, and a dog can frown

the ice age hit when I was on a zoom call -Mammoth Quest

 It wasn't the last

Or Alice through the looking Glass

But I was on an ordinary zoom call

A video conference with a Mammoth

He was giant it was 

The voyage of Champs

The neanderthals drank 

the poisoned champagne

Scientists say

Maybe Cro Magnon man poisoned

Neanderthal man's well

The voyage of champions

Ah the Elysian fields

Where we ride forever on our magnetic steeds

Steel steeds with iron

Hooves

The horse shoes turned up

The caveman applied sunscreen

To their faces

It was a bit like the

Glencoe massacre

Of course it was a Mammoth quest

The sword of Damocles

 It was the last sword of the very last day

The last hair had fallen away

And Damocles knew

This was his last hour

 

On the razors edge he saw his life

Shorn

Cut both ways

Like creation had sworn

But there was more to swear about

Back in those days

 

The dogs were barking at a hollow moon

And he tried to cut a slice of it too soon

And the silver fell away from the gold

The hen wouldn't lay

And the butcher was lean

He had already sold all that he'd seen

To the candle stick maker

Who was getting on my wick

I said why are you burning it at

Both ends

Can't you see that you don't have no friends

In the about turn of your ways

Poet Laundrette

 Bring in your dirty poems

We wash them all here

Clean dry your poetry law suits

That are crimes against literature

Rinse off your underwear

And iron your socks

Each have a poem in them

Don't look so shocked

What! You never knew a poem could hide in your pants?

At the bottom of your pockets

Down in the Hugh Grants?

Steam press the creases

That's where poems love to hide

Each crease is a line

Ready to ride

But you've got to be quick or else they'll escape

They'll slip out through the stitches and run down

The drain

You'll have  to use the best in Poetry washing powder

Poetry non bio you better beware tho

There is an enzyme that will wash them all out

The stains of the day -Poemase or Versal

That leaves stories in shirts so bright that they shout

Cleans out the rhymes

Leaves only the prose

all tied up in time

Clean as your nose

Let me tone down the colours for you

Let's not make them all grey

Poetry is an art form but 

It doesn't pay

That's why I'm the poet laundrette

Ready with a story and a cigarette

Just never did wash

The garments of the Poet Laureat

Train to nowhere

 Oh this is the train to nowhere

Going nowhere fast

One place we are reaching

Is back into the past

This is the train to nowhere going on so slow

The signal black out

Like in the blitz means there’s nowhere to go

The train manager told the story

The news it wasn’t good

We were on a hiding to nothing

Riding with red riding hood

Missing out the points oh

We had to slow way down

Point to point the brakes applied

But they’re all singing now

We’re on the train to nowhere

Between town and town

The rails are moving faster than we are

The fields are over taking us with a frown

 

The white waters gleams in the blue sky

The thistles and pines they sigh

The crows in a pair sit laughing

In their trees

For even they can fly faster than we

 

Even the bees who are hibernating drowsily

Buzzing so high

But their buzzes are more than matching

Ours cos tis reason this train won’t fly

We’re on the train to nowhere

It’s going nowhere fast

I think that my future’s frozen

But now I’m catching up on my past