Body of lies

 I was talking to a lady who was writing a sketch

She came outdoors and handed me the script

I felt alright then I had to sniff

And soon I was sneezing, into her papery bits

I said I'm so sorry but I'm allergic to comedy

Can't you see I come out in a rash

If you tell another joke I'm sure I will cough at you

And then the whole mother ship might crash

She said I knew you were funny but I didn't know how strange

When I said show me the money

I didn't mean give me your change

You better be careful for the next line's coming up

And the end is a deadline and it packs a punch chump

As she said that I started rolling around the floor

You see I was in stitches, but by that I mean sores

For my sides they were itching and my brain did abore

I said I think my nervous system is malfunctioning

I don't this funny anymore

Finally came the punch line and the end of the joke

With that I was at the washing line, like it would choke

She said it's got you in a choke hold, I gasped "I think that you are great

But please don't write another sketch or else, I'll end up dead or a worse fate"

With that she lay her pen down, put no more words on paper

And I left with a frown, saying good bye and see you later

"Not if I see you first" she said, just a throw away line, 

But that onliner was a curse, for at once I fell down

My heart gave way I had a cardiac arrest,

The police came to put it behind bars

But they had to call a Taxi

Instead a taxidermist turned up

And stuffed me full of paper shreds

You see the script writer had torn up her script

And with her waste jokes I'd been stuffed instead

And so now I stand before you

A shadow of my former self

Just a statue of a comedian made up of bad jokes

But it isn't all that bad, because the next day she went for a PET scan

She said is it all right if I bring a friend 

They said of course you can

So then she brought me - her own private dead pet

Well they put me in the machine, to see if they could get

Any funny sense out of my remains, but it seems as if 

I never had a funny bone in my body

What they did instead was re-read her old jokes

They came out better now they'd been jumbled around by taxidermy

It seems she was pretty funny, so there's life in the old girl yet

You bet, you little bunny, and she even married a vet

They spent many happy hours reading jokes

To elderly dogs in nursing homes for the guides

Some of them had gone blind themselves

And it was like the blind leading the blind

But enough of that because as they say

All dogs go to heaven, but perhaps not

If they've gone to Mars already, then robbed a seven eleven

They will probably go to Hell

With the Mars rover, but he knew things were going well

Up until they ran him over

But they say in Space no one can tell a bad joke because

There's no gravity just levity,

Nothing to bring you down

Only maybe roll you over