Mermaid Halloween or a dark tale

 I met a mermaid, a slipper a slapper

I met a mermaid, a flipper a flapper, a mermaid

Oh we walked along the Bristol docks

For she wished me to buy her a frock

A slipper, a slapper, a mermaid 

But she could not walk so I pushed her in a barrow

Along the cobbled streets and the lanes quite narrow

A flipper, a flapper mermaid

But when I told her I had no money

A slipper, a slapper, a flipper, a flapper

She hit me with her tail and she looked at me funny

A slipper, a slapper, a mermaid

Well I said I told you I was but a sailor

Then she told me what she needed was really a tailor

a slipper, a slapper a mermaid

So I took her to the fishmonger

a flipper, a flapper a mermaid

And I said to him, I'd like her topped and tailed

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

So he chopped off her tail and gave me £60 for the sale

A flipper, a flapper a mermaid

And I thought that was the end of my fish-bride-tale 

A slipper, a slapper a mermaid

But her fishtail grew a head like the whale 

a flipper a flapper a mermaid

And I think the fishmonger made a good sale

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

But her top half I put back in the barrow

A flipper a flapper a mermaid

And the fishmonger did make her a wrapper

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

He said: the price of fish is a terrible thing

It can make a haddock hack, and a mackerel sing

If you love a mermaid Jack, then make her a ring

And marry head and tail, that's price of a fish market sale

He said: the price of fish is a thing to abide

It goes up in bad weather and down like the tide

And if you're a sailor then neither a tailor be

What's the price of fish worth when there's plenty

more in the sea?

Back home on the sofa, my mermaid and me

We tried to get closer, but she was pale as can be

So I went to the kitchen to brew her a cup of tea

A flipper, a flapper, a mermaid

When I came back in, two new legs she had sprouted

And I looked at them fondly , but then she sad doubted

That she could ever walk again, so I said then let's just try

And she walked and did the splits and kicked up high to the sky

Oh a flipper a flapper, my new mermaid bride

Was the full ticket now as we walked the dock side

And I brought her to the boutique where a new frock she tried

Oh a slipper and a slapper, she looked so good I could've cried

Oh a flipper and flapper, my girl walked a clip clapper

Oh a slipper and a slapper she could dance a toe tapper

And we walked around the fish market, and I never thought

Of the sale

But I think that she remembered because she looked a bit pale

So if you ever love one side of a mermaid, but you don't love the other

Don't confuse Mary Magdalene with the fairy Godmother

You can just accept her, or you can chop her in two for a laugh

But when you refer to her later, you better call her your better half

Metacarpal

 I met a carp all about the pool

Swimming 

In a pool the other day

I met a day all awash with rain

He said you fool why have you come

Without your fish scales

I said I tuned out but

Last I heard you were

A bridged whales

A bridge to Wales so

You say, ah but hearsay gossip

Don't listen to the neigh Sayers

Only the horse's mouth and lips

PGCFE fiasco

 On my first day of the PGCfe

I had my gardening knife and pencil was blunt

So I began surreptitiously sharpening it into my bag

The teacher noticed me apparently and spoke to me in the break

About bringing knives into college

Next Tuesday I had enjoyed a wine bottle on the weekend

And had washed it up, however I had misplaced my glass milk bottle

Which I usually use in to drink from as I find it better than the plastic bottle

 with water in

So I used the wine bottle instead - it was in my recycling 

Carefully washed up and ready to go

But little did I know

This was also not an acceptable drinking receptacle at a college

What does seem acceptable though is for mentors and tutors to simply

abandon their mentees and teacher students

And drop them in at the deep end

Which is why I want to leave

Tackle everything with a positive attitude

Saint George

 I remember when I was a child

And the painting

the mural on the wall of the Catholic

Church

Of Saint George fighting the dragon

It always gave me heart

I fell into that tapestry

I was one of those people running scared

But I knew Saint George would save me

Because he is always there

Just when I need him

I call him in my prayers

And he will come and fight my demons

He will make peace with bears

The Horse's shoe

 Oh Jamie

The polish on your glasses

Is not same

I feel I forget my own

Name

Ee

There's a hill named frog

It's drunk up all the grog

And

I think that it's such a 

Shame

ee

Well you run a bar like a Queen

We are so far

But ever green

we think We're middle aged

But actually it saged

The wisest amongst us

Is never seen

I had 2 pints of Blindman's bluff

The blond beer

Was the golden stuff

You served it like a queen

It was all so Steve McQueen

But you know I'm really no

Film buff

If there was some place to

Leave my package

Like DPD or Amazon

Raffle

Perhaps the post office

Had returned

Would you like to show Saint George

Just how we remember his name?

We shine the flagpole

We raise

The flag of blame

I prefer blame to shame

But both have skin in the game

Both can make the conscience flinch

Both can make the face pained pink

It is an honest account

At least that's what alcohol amounts

To

And no, no, no doubt

His wife would have something to shout

About

Oh Jamie

You drive men made

With your body shaped like a jar

So curvy, it's like you're a star

Of the overwrought at the bar

I have to stay I noticed

But do I think you'd be 

The one 

Making friends with an alcoholic

Is not the way to beat

The cholic

He already has your number

Written on

His shirt sleeves' umbra

Shadow of the fallen race

Yet he is the one

Of poor taste

No religious nut is he

Only One flew over the cuckoo's tree

And state and all is free

When we let all things just be

History of the heart

 I was thinking about the heart and how the blood flows around the chambers

and how this could be performed by dressing four people up in blues and reds

And having others as the Vena Cava

I'm the Aorta

No I'm the Aorta, you're the pulmonary artery

If you're the pulmonary artery

Then I'm the left ventricle

You're are the left ventricle my arse

You're the Right atrium

And they have arguments and confusion until they

Finally agree and come together to form the heart and then

They start pulsating and moving

And other actors come through the system and are squeezed and

Pushed through the one way system of the heart

And next it could be like in a city

And the M25 junction

Or the spaghetti junction

And there could be speeding blood vessels

Taken over by police blood vessels

And engineers trying to reinforce the Dartford tunnel

Or the Aorta - and the heart could be

The heart of London?

And the bridges could be the valves

Then we could talk about the history of the heart like chambers

And the chambers of the House of commons

Or some bed chambers or something

Woodland Elves

 Their faces grim

Without a whim

Of any form of Welcome

The group was set against itself

And all outside invasion

A clique set, an in-crowd

They knew themselves

They would die proud

And glory be for glorified be

Their one aim of their devotion

A strong team set to hold the bridge

They fought like rabid hamsters

Against the other side or set 

To rid the West Shepton monsters

They woodland elves bettered themselves

And like termites they invaded

And ate up all the goodly jobs

Just like our friendly neighbours

But why hate your enemies

Why not love them instead

Just because they invade the territory

You yourself have set?

No, wars have been started over lesser things than these

I guess it was up to us to defend

The bridge and fight for Jane and Steve