We have been harmonized

 Put out the recycling

Pay your housing tax

Don't forget to walk on the pavement

If you want your taxes back

Give well to government

Give well to charities

Always deduct the tax

Gift aid, gift aid

Is automatic

I didn't know you didn't want that

Where are the options?

Click on and click off

Who ever said that human decision making

Turned out better it was easier and at low cost?

We have become the new China

Our citizens are more compliant 

And docile

In this mid-winter domicile

The cold water in the blood is vile

Everything and everybody

Moves so slowly it's disgusting

It's like we're all jellyfish in the mid-atlantic ocean

 I can't be bothered not to get trapped

In that plastic bag-rubbish island

I might as well drift into that

As float off into the horizon

What a state Britain is in

Yes we all at least follow the rules

Or we are too proud to admit we cut corners

And cheat and that makes us all lying fools

I have no sympathy for recklessness

It gives its just desserts 

And if you think you should wreck the fence

That brought all these Brexit results

Then why can't you see we are animals

Just a field of sheep to be led

What has democracy got with our morals?

Why not leave it all up to some eggheads?

I think that We live in a prison

But that we are most comfortable here

It is a locked greenhouse of our own devising

And there is nothing worth saving in there

Go and get on your own ship-island

If you are not happy on this one

There are screams which come from the child in the street

But they are not always where you would hear them

Dipping and diving

 I was going to go to Japan,

But then the Covid came and I made another plan

Then I figured I'd visit Peru

But the bank let me down

I was way overdue

And next I thought I'd recline on the lawn

But the temperatures froze

And I thawed right through

Then I booked a plane to China

And I thought forget it, I'm going to

Learn to be a miner

But underground it was dark and cold 

So I thought I'd move to Saudi Arabia, I was sold

But after I got there the quarantine was

on, so stayed in a hotel called Babylon

And they brought me grapes, and baskets of flowers

I looked out from my drapes and saw worldly powers 

fighting again over who owns the highest towers

So next I became a fish and swam in the ocean

Then I was a raven and soared high above commotion

Then I was a fox living in a hole

Then I was a mouse dining from a bowl

Last I was a house but kept getting deflated

Until I became a bouncy castle and finally inflated

Sumo wrestling the sun

 I mentioned to you

The dog darned man

Fighting in the corner

Just breathing in Japan

Someone call the coroner

The advice is this don't let the wrack

Of indecision be your downfall

Play to win connect four

Instead of floundering on

The bathroom floor

Find a mop and clear up the slop

Stop, stop now

Before the brow of the hill get's brighter

With the sun's dew glance

Take a chance upon the sill

Ring up the bill of happenstance

And cold call president Bill

and Auxiliary Clinton

a kick in the teeth- connected phrases from merriam webster's dictionary

 a kick in the teeth

thick on the ground

a nail in the coffin

a drop in the ocean

a foot in the door

a shot in the arm

a walk in the park

ace in the hole

an ace in the hole

bask in the glory

thin on the ground

bowling on the green

stick in their craws

work into the ground

a roll in the hay

a shot in the dark

a slap in the face

a stab in the back

a stab in the dark

water on the brain

River wriggle

Tears in the river
The bells in Hell
The arrows in the quiver
And the cats down the well
The weather follows the cock's tail
And Captain Ahab hunts down the whale

I have seen you in the fire's shadows
That dance upon the wall
And in the clouds of a rivers shallows
Where the tadpoles wriggle and crawl

weather holidays

 It was discovered in the future the reason for poor weather on bank holidays and weekends was that our working behaviour directly affected the weather

And that the Gods were unhappy when we took holidays

Weathering the storm

 Can you hear the gushing sound 

Coming down the roads

The water babies on their bellies

With the frogs and toads

Flowing over grey stone walls

Filling up the gardens

We've thrown down all our cement bags

Now the bloody things won't harden

Out we dash with broom and bucket

sweeping back the waters

Then we lose the broom and think

This preparation doesn't cut it

what was it they taught us?

But who knew it would be this bad?

Who knew really what would happen

If the farmers take down trees and plough

Then surely water will start lappin

At your door and at mine although

You may live at the bottom of the valley

Of course we all know where the river will flow

It's just whether the river will sally

But one thing's for sure, we sure lend a hand

To help out others in need

Give them your arms and legs, hold a wheelie bin

Before it floats off down the street

But there's no need to play the blame game is there?

These things are just acts of God

Except surely we can mitigate against them

By not replacing forests with fields of sod?

Perhaps why not create some catchment ponds

That way it can slow down the water's flow

Some flooded fields further up would help bond

And allay the more tragic affects down below

Some kind of agricultural plan must be thought up

To prevent this ever happening again

It was like this ten years ago when the levels were caught up

Because the rhynes wouldn't properly drain

Why hasn't the environmental agency had 

a more stringent program of maintenance

Then we might have a case of Neptune's Staircase

Rather than a torrent, a deluge of complainants 

Let's try and deepen the River Sheppey

Make it deeper and broader

I'm sure the army of James Heappey

Would be more than happy

To carry out the order