Miscellaneous

 New year's wind

Well it could the Brussel sprout

That I've been eating

Or it could be broccoli

Or something like that

But there's a new year's wind

Blowing strong

I took a hoover for a hover

and vacuumed up the vacuum

But there was nought to suck

I thought with luck

I'll have cleaned this space room

By Tuesday's moon

Of course there is no room in space

There is no space in room

If you thought a force was there

Of course

It's what made the big bang boom.

Advert for gardening:

Man considering how to cut his wife's hedge cautiously saying:

Well we could do it like that, but you know I don't want to do it like that if your mother won't like it

Screen cuts to sign: Stop Hedging your bets

Gardener comes on:

Just cuts hedges

Where's the bloody water gone?

 Who turned the taps off at Niagra?

I was planning to have my bath

You know it's run out steam

And now its just a trickle of a stream

The bloke who did it must be having a laugh

Who stopped Victoria's Fall

Well the smoke that thunders

Is never such a wonder 

When there's no bloody water on the wall

Well what has happened to my Angel?

She fell from heaven they say

Well by the look of things she's going to stay that way

What has happened to my Angel?

Did she decide the Earth was junk?

Well she's packed up her trunk

She said this hellholes drunk

All the water I had left and now I'm sunk

Oh what has happened to my Angel?

Now what happened to Iguaza?

And her 200 water babies?

She was mother nature

Now she's drier than mid Australia

Where will her babies get their nurture?

Who stanched the flow of Iguaza

Was it the fat Anaconda?

Who lay on his belly

When his body went to jelly

Like a conga eel on his back

Well what's happened to all her water babies?

Where did they all go

Two hundred and fifty three cataracts

Now that's a nifty little free fact

But don't act like you didn't already know

Who turned off the water to the world, hey?

Now we're as dry as a desert land's dead pool, hey

And if I catch up to the guy who is playing this joke

Well you better believe you'll see some thundering smoke

Dartmoor zoo

 Monkeys escaped from Longleat 

Pull windscreen wipers off cars

Have a fondness for Carwash machines

Think their bristly brooms

Their home

It's  a monkey puzzle tree to me

Pumas roaming the hills of Dartmoor

Dartmoor prison of brothers and nuns

The beast is on the loose, always

Prowling on the lookout for you

Like a lion

They beat the devil out of a man

And now he too is set free

Ready to step into another's body

Get out, get out I tell thee

The gulls in the sky

Black-headed ones flock

In large numbers

You can never call them sea gulls anymore

as Most of them have never even

heard of it, let alone seen it.

There's mould growing on my bathroom wall

Does that count as natural or unnatural?

I clean it off, but it reappears like a stain

Upon my soul

Out, out damn spot!

They bought a zoo

To show what could be done

With dollop of determination

And a side serving of salt and grit

And they did it

The animals were saved

As if by Noah

Still they are a little incongruous

On Dartmoor

Canned worms

 Canned worms

She looks into my deepest soul

And sees canned worms

Canned worms

Canned worms

She puts me on a hook

Dangles me in front of the moon

The silver fish leap up 

Bite little chunks out of me

Moon food, moon food

And canned worms

Hope in the rain

 The days they seem too long

Though not as long as the song

That the songbird sings on dunes

That ebb and flow with the moon

And I am caught between the shadows

And the curtains of the windows

Singing a tune for you

The flag is hoisted in the castle

I see the knights ride in

But have I pawned the dirty rascal

Who calls me back to the king

And the Bishop eying the Queen

Only a peasants rebellion will win the scene

What's done is done, what's been has been

Singing a tune for you

The day that Christmas came and went

Found me in a little tent

Praying for the windows

Into out of, round the bend

Of the road of good intent

Before I rode up to your window

And showered you with flowers

From the chimney sweep's chimney

Just singing a tune for you

Making up the last verse

Was like I had you on my shoulder

Singing to me lovely dreams not ever getting older

Only fleeting like the blizzards, ever getting colder

Until I warm them by your fire

Makes my mind a little kinder

Once again my hope is that I shall find her

Singing a tune for you

Frog-eye

 She sits and she composes her song

And all the birds , they go flitting along

And it skits, it scats and it throngs

With alley cats, the dogs howling too strong

And the train, the train rumbles on

The last refrain, she always gets wrong

And the frogs are leaping into her pond

And the birds are tweeting, while she keeps writing her song

Oh ribbet, ribbet

Rib-eye steak

In the time of Henry the Eighth

The Bishop had his eye on the market square

Looking out for bargains here and there

The Bishop's nose

The bishop's feet

Oh how they grow

In inches sweet

Yet he jumps back in his pond

Repeats, I have my eye on you

Ribbet, ribbet, ribbet

bleat!

Housing Project

 you sing of blue shoals

In deep savannah

You love in new roles

The asleep piranhas

But I am deep scrolls

And I am the Bahamas

Oh who do you think you are?

Singing Praise be Hosannahs?

The frogs on fourth street are hanging their washing

The dogs on low walls are already hogging

The cream cats on the sofa where the couples are snogging

Singing who do you think you are

With all this blogging

The new year is here,

It is what we all hope for

The fire brigade are on parade

Along the silver street serenade

The fountains

Of mercy they are overflowing

crying who do you think you are

(1/1/2021)