Nerves

 There are nerves before a great fight

Nerves that come out at night

Nerves as you board your first flight

But these nerves you know they're right

Well they keep you under control

Like the actor who must stay in his role

And finish his play come what may

Oh nerves they'll have the last say

There are nerves that will dog you around

Like a fox is dogged by a hound

But you can't brush them away

For they're here to stay

And that's how they're as long as they're round

If you climb up the Eiffel tower

They'll be there in great power

Giving their speech, broadcasting their news

But life is a peach when you don't confuse

Their truth with having something to prove

Whether you stay or whether you move

At Death's door

 I was at death's door

Knocking to come in

Cryin' what about love and what about Sin

Well I knocked so loud cried:

 Won't you let me in

I was at death's door knockin to come in

They said

Have you bent your ear

Or taken it on the chin

When I was at death's door

Knockin'

to come in

Well I cried so loud

There's a wolf out here

And he's howlin' loud

Won't go away

But they said keep that wolf at bay

I cried how

They said hey

Won't you tell me what I can do about that?

I said aloud

But my voice fell flat

A to O of jobs

 Ant eater

Accountant

Actuary

B - Baker, Butcher, bailer, bailif, banoffe pie maker

C-conartist, caption writer

Cockatoo tail feather puta in a

Cockatoo tail feather pulla outta

D-delecroy

Delivery driver

Diamond miner

Deatha nd taxes person

Ditch water inspector

E-ear wig owner

Egg white beater

Elephant trainer

Elegy writer

Electrician

F -foreign affairs correspondent

fisherman

Flaming heart flagellist

Fake hairdo maker

G-God look-alike competition inspector

Goal keeper

Giraffe adoptionist

H- happy go lucky hippie

Hair dresser

Hope creator, hope maker

Handle turner

Huddle Goth

I-indicator maker

Index finger - giant index finger

Individual inspector

J-jokey

Jill- as in Jack dressing up as Jill

Jimcarna organizer

Jolly sing-a-long

Jeopardy host

K -Kung-Fu expert

Kapitan

Kapital hill creator

Constructive cages

King maker

Killer

Kiss-me-quick

Kiss.me-not

Kiss.me on the spot

L- loverman

Low brow

lowdown taker

Lintel inspector

Label maker

Literature thief

Lobbyist

Leg measurer

Lentil maker

Logo elaborator

M- Mechanic

Motorist

Mender of watches

N-no one

Nobody

Notch maker

(K)Napsack carrier

Nuptual inviter

O- octopus trainer

Onthologist, Opthalmologist

Open university lecturer

Opportunity knocker

Hole and Corner

hole and corner

Take me there in fires

Swear

The bold and free of purgatory

Hole and corner

Fear

Ship them off to foreign shore

Make me soft

In the cure

Take my heart and blur

The boundaries

Fire me steel in the foundries

Pumping iron

And the bellows

Scorching heat in hell's belows

Fired goodbyes and so long so's

Shake my hand when you say hello

But wake me when you wave my grave

I have no flowers in the shade

Cut the sun like a yoke

And pour me some

Like a joke

Hole and corner

Oh John Thorner

Pulled his thumb out

Of the plumb

Living fuck

 Can you make the song bird sing

In the early evening

Can you joke that it's not spring

While the season's turning?

Are you free or are you chained

While the maze of amazing rain

Comes spiralling down upon your brain

Oh tell me what is living?

Are you free to live

Then why not start to give

To your fellow human beings

They aren't blind to what they're seeing

Have the doves of the cot not flown

Out into the storm

Have the wily cocks of home

Not been kept in safe and warm

What of beauty

What of kings

What of all these kinds of things

And what you take

And what life brings

What is it you are finding?

Pub talk

 Here's to Shepton

It's on its knees

Won't the government lower

The tax on alcohol please!

Give the pubs the upper hand over

Supermarket sleaze

They're destroying our culture

With their lower price freeze

We buy our beer in bulk

Bring it back home to drink

Like the incredible hulk

shipwrecked into bed we sink

In a sulk

For we've not met new friends

Only drank til we've caulked

And whitened and paled and netflixed out

And it could be the ale or speciality stout

But in fact it's the lack

of the life we're about

 Just go down the pub

You'll feel better no doubt!

This culture is dying

But it's not what you think

Britain was founded on

A strong liking for drink

If you consider the heroes

The brave and the true

You'll find they all loved

To partake of the brew

We come together in clubs

And in teams

We drink to our fellows

And we drink to our wins

But drink too to your losses

As well as your gains

Because as the penny tosses

So fall the rains

And mercy can fall equal

On Kings as on peasants

But just mind how you say it

When plucking a pheasant!

I think we were better back in 1981

When we drank through unemployment

And likewise we drank to have fun

But you've got to enjoy it

With friends and in good company

It's like music to my ears

And it's the mark of being free

Out to get me

 I only had one thing on my mind

Down by the river Sheppey

And all the people not of my kind

They were out to get me

They were out in a posse

They were out on the jetty

Yes they went searching out to find the key

Yes, they were out to get me

Well me why can't a fella have a drink

On Saturday night he deserves it don't he

Floating his boat on the big wide sea

But they were out to get me

Searching in the town hall

Searching knee deep in confetti

I felt like I was back in school

When they were out to get me

Give me a trial by my peers

Make me stand and let me

Find witnesses with eyes and ears

To show they were out to get me