The game is afoot

 tap hot \\ top hat

Something was afoot with the football,

Oh the football had turned into a hand

And the whole world was watching the tip of the toe

That balanced it like a magic wand

And we were caught red handed by the referee

We had been painting the penalty lines

But the linesman drew a box around the bandstand

And he kicked to death the Goalie in the sand

Then Women's football made a chalk outline of man

And paid tribute

On the same day every year

She left flowers on the pitch

the six foot tall bitch

Who showered her team mates 

In good cheer

Submarine

 Where do planes take off from?

They take off from airports

What is going from one place to another?

Travelling is going from one place to another

What is a means of water transport?

It is a submarine

A submarine

If you know what I mean

It is a submarine

Cry me, cry you

 Cry me with flowers

With hours of wasted love

Cry me with willows

Which sway

Cry me with your voice

Which breaks, gives way

Cry me, but cry you today

Cry me with ribbons

And Angels in towers

Cry me with Gibbons 

Cry me with all your super powers

To move the Gibbous moon

But Cry you as too, so soon

joke 123

 I'm an out of practise dentist

I need to brush up on my skills

Magnificat

 What a magnificent cat

What whiskers

What tail

What ears on whose tips

Could turn a full term whale

And what teeth are pointy fangs

For bird pricking

And feathery pangs

What claws scratch under doors

For oils and balls of wool or twine

What a Magnificat

Oh sing to the fat cat upstairs

And All who sleep on window sills

Or upon bare legs sprawl and stare

What cat, that climbs the curtains

What cat that scats and crimes

Like a burglar of the night kind

Shaken but not stirred

By the night's long times

sea biscuit

 Oh the sea in all its flippery

And skippery rhyme

And Majestic Omaha

Of forever pines

And coastal rampages

Punctilious primes

And Rapscallion scales

Pear peppered wine

Well thought of good gold shrines

And leagues of legless lines

Caught in fishermen nets

Nettled but not in time

Of Shallow shelves of shellfish

And forests of frolicking fronds

And hours of anchoring urchins

And swathes of swallowing swans

The sea in all its peaches of beaches

That teaches us of time

And tides under neath of us

Needles stacked in seconds of clime

At home with the headless horse man

 So what is it like as a couple?

Well most of the time he don't say much

But that's just how I like 'em really

Yeah I mean we're into all the same kinds of things really

Same interests

He does like to read the paper on a Sunday morning

I have to turn it the right way up of course

Do we ever fall out?

Well, that's a hard one,

not really you know, but he is a bit clumsy at times

You know not having a head and all

He tends to agree with everything I say

Does he ever disagree with you?

Well, now I think so, it's a bit hard to tell

You know

Maybe he will cross his  legs or fold his arms

When he is a bit upset