Stairlift to heaven

 There's a Lady I know and she's very old

And she's buying a stairlift to heaven

When she gets to the store, she promised to call

So I can pick it up for her and it can get where it's going

Ooh and she's buying a stairlift to heaven

There's a sign on the wall, saying mind you don't fall

Because the footrest sometimes can be misleading

Oh, and it makes me wonder

Ooh and it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when I put on my vest

and my whisky bottle is still near the bottom

In my thoughts I have seen the wood for the trees

And I clearly know which stairlift I would choose 

Ooh and it makes me wonder

Ooh and it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered in the mobility store

That the stannah is the best one

And the others are shit, and break when you sit

And your family will laugh when you ride it

Oh-oh-oh-oh-whoa

If there's a hustle and your budgie, don't sing out

Well then there's probably a gas leak

And if two mobility scooters crash on the street

Then they should've been looking where they were going

And it makes me wonder

ohh, whoa

If your head is humming, there's probably a bee in your bonnet

And you need to call a beekeeper

Dear landlady I can hear the wind blow through my window

And it's giving me a stiff neck on my stairlift

And as we wind up the spiral staircase

I'm impressed how they got the geometry right

For there's a lady that I know well, she's my landlady

And she thinks that she is snow white

Still she's looking in the store at the stairlifts

And she can't quite decide which to go for

And at last I say it doesn't matter anymore 

Because we can live in a bungalow or on the ground floor

But she's still buying a stairlift to heaven