Joke 678

 I went to a peanut farm and asked them to tell me how they grew them, in a nutshell.

Bowsprit

 I wake to the sound of traffic

Buzzing in my ears

Busy bees so hard at work

Goes on and on for years

Where do they get to while I rest?

A few more miles up the mountain

Pushing the boulder as Sisyphus

To reach the eternal fountain

Well I'm down here in my hovel

But I don't bow and I won't grovel

It seems like spit is rain off my shovel

I'm staying home today

I only like librarians

I want a woman who will tell me my book is overdue

And the loan I took out needs returning

I need a woman is it you?

But so long as I'm learning, she'll keep my pages turning

She can't be book burning it's true 

You can beat me with your shoes

You can beat me black and blue

But I only like Librarians

Oh there are all kinds of women in the world

There are secretaries, C-sections, and sectarians

But there is only one who'll do

Yes, I'm talking about you

Oh I only like librarians

It must be the way they files their books

Oh in alphabetical persuasions

Colour coded or by title it gives me titillations

Yes I only like librarians

Oh there are women builders, gardeners and enterprising

dancers, 

Engineers, teachers and farmers too

But beat me black and blue

Cos none of them will do

Oh I only like librarians

Oh there are many kinds of races in the world

There hispanic, European, Black or Asian

But I don't mind the skin tone or colour

It's the way order books shelves that matters

Oh I only like librarians

Throw away love

 I threw away 

Yes I threw it all away

I threw away the love I had

Why I should've taken the good with the bad

But I squandered my chances

On fleeting romances

And I threw away the love had

So don't follow in my footsteps my lad

For you may never love another, it is sad

To say that you have life only when you have a wife

That's the truth, It's no colouring of the truth

I have lived the life and am the proof

I threw away, yes I threw it all away

I threw away the love I had

There aren't any more fish in the sea

 There are no more fish in the sea

Whoopey

Yes they've completely run out

And who do we have to thank?

Oh overfishing the doggerel Art bank

Yes there's no fish in Auchan

Aucan, not any at all

They've all swum up the rivers and stayed

There beyond the waterfall

When they say you can find a fish easy these days

What the hell do they know?

They are basing it on movie reel parades

From when they were in Fish Schools

Back in the 1960s

It's all good

 It's all good

You've got wood in the hood

Wood in the hood, wood in the hood

It's all good in the neighbourhood

It's bad, you got twigs in the bag

Twigs in the bag, twigs in the bag

Well it's all bad, you got twigs in the bag

Twigs in the bag is all bad

Don't fret, you;ve got strings in your net

Strings in your net,

Still a chance you can catch a fish yet

Catch a fish, yet, Don't Fret

Come back home, I'm waiting for Rome

Waiting for Rome, Waiting for Rome

Shepton Shearers

 The sheep shearing season is short in Shepton

So short in Shepton it's stepping on septums

And September is too late for conception

In Shepton the sheep saw a ram

A ramming went Rambo through Rotterdam and

Ramsbottom, a Rutting a tutting a Solitary Sam

Who settled in setts where badgers made bets

On mother hubbard's long laboured lamb

Oh but not to be ham, the pigs they globe trotted

And Forgotten the begotten Ramsbottom Ram

They cried out oh Dad, Delivers us Do

From Do da days dallying daily with dew