Garden gnome

 I fell in love with a garden gnome

He was always there when I got home

Always listened when I was alone

That's how I fell in love

With my garden gnome

He's travelled far and wide

But now he prefers his pond side

To sit there hour after weary hour

And catch the fish beneath the lily flower

But I love my garden gnome

Though I know his heart is of stone

We've gone on many an excellent adventure

From the town of shepton to the county of bedfordshire

And even once to Paris and Rome

Oh how I do love my garden gnome

The constant gardener

 When you say you love her

Could you be together

Any wind or weather

The wind must blow alone

For the ivy on the wall will blacken

The brambles tie up in the bracken

The fireflies twist in flaxen

And the rooks cry out in a klaxon

And all, above it all

Don't you wish you were

The constant gardener

Have you ever fallen in love

With someone you work with?

Is it a case of just making the glove fit

Well if you've ever fallen in love with

Someone you work with

Was their husband a git or did they have

kids

Was there a bolt from the blue sky

That meant you were too nice a guy 

or too shy to try

When you're in love, in love with

Someone you work with

And you can't stay or leave the room

But you must be friends make play

Of doom and gloom

And laugh as if life is gay

When really it is grey

Until you say I love you

And she says it too

Until then you have to be 

the constant gardener

I wish I could be like

the constant gardener

dig

 Dig, dig

Stones from down below alone

The earth must be lonely

So full of holes

Missing some parts

Run through by rivers

Like a pin cushion the Mendips

The rain water's silver darts

Cutting a way

Shooting in the dark

Down below consciousness

Where proto-thought does spark

Primeval, not even

A feeling or a hunch

The rock and sill is breathing

But like an animal bunch

Crunching and mindless

Yet beautiful and measureless

Caverns of such exquisite beauty

Dig, dig feel the throb

You're near the pulse of the earth

The heart of nature, where

her life blood bursts

Forth upon the slimey organs

And the organelles, the vessels and the vapours

The aromatic aprons of silt and crustaceans

That move like slow crabs

That dive like whales and dolphins

Deep beneath the surface

Only to come up back for air

Blow hole, sinkhole

Gills and shark nurses

Chapter and verses

Of the sedimentary book

Read geology like a bible

First a dribble

Then a full flown bark

Nothing but the desire

To return back down to earth

Return back to the womb

Of Mother nature's birth

Smothering, something

Unnatural in this boring into her belly

Yet where else to live

When Strictly's on the telly

Mole men and rabbit soldiers

Dig down into the boulders

Following the veins

The bloodhounds gone to ground

Mole men and badger men sniffing out

The gold, the finds,

The fires of scent

Arousing burning coals of eyes

Glint of fire in the soul

The light that burns the brightest

In the passages of dark

Is the light of the human heart

Such decoration as in a basilica

Stalactites stretch into stalagmites

And columns form the rock salt body

Ectopic growth around the womb wall

Wolverines dig for streams

Standing panting in muddy pools

Surveying their discoveries like

Some pioneers of opalesque halls

Smooth marbled bowls

And balls rolled over one another

Like in a hip joint, the bones

Of the earth are polished

To a varnish finish

By the master craftsman-water 

Inside the garden

 The curtains are pulled tight

but you can look over the walls

Every morning and night

You just might

Leave the garden

The birds and bees are happy

On the flowers and the trees

All the starlings startle and freeze

But the trees know no disease

Inside the garden

Little mice tiptoe

Badgers go to and fro

Inside the garden

My love stands at the gate

And I say goodbye to hate

Inside the garden

You can get all you need

Be far from sin and greed

in the garden

Oh the sun always shines

Upon your spindly lines

In the garden

The anteaters thump

the grasshoppers jump

Inside the garden

Memory fades away

Like an elephant's grave

Inside the garden

You'll have no more fear or doubt

Even if it rains or there's a drought

Inside the garden

Aspirational pneumonia

 I..

uh...

really..huh..

want...uh

to be..

huuuhh

..huh..

...a doctor

We have been harmonized

 Put out the recycling

Pay your housing tax

Don't forget to walk on the pavement

If you want your taxes back

Give well to government

Give well to charities

Always deduct the tax

Gift aid, gift aid

Is automatic

I didn't know you didn't want that

Where are the options?

Click on and click off

Who ever said that human decision making

Turned out better it was easier and at low cost?

We have become the new China

Our citizens are more compliant 

And docile

In this mid-winter domicile

The cold water in the blood is vile

Everything and everybody

Moves so slowly it's disgusting

It's like we're all jellyfish in the mid-atlantic ocean

 I can't be bothered not to get trapped

In that plastic bag-rubbish island

I might as well drift into that

As float off into the horizon

What a state Britain is in

Yes we all at least follow the rules

Or we are too proud to admit we cut corners

And cheat and that makes us all lying fools

I have no sympathy for recklessness

It gives its just desserts 

And if you think you should wreck the fence

That brought all these Brexit results

Then why can't you see we are animals

Just a field of sheep to be led

What has democracy got with our morals?

Why not leave it all up to some eggheads?

I think that We live in a prison

But that we are most comfortable here

It is a locked greenhouse of our own devising

And there is nothing worth saving in there

Go and get on your own ship-island

If you are not happy on this one

There are screams which come from the child in the street

But they are not always where you would hear them

Dipping and diving

 I was going to go to Japan,

But then the Covid came and I made another plan

Then I figured I'd visit Peru

But the bank let me down

I was way overdue

And next I thought I'd recline on the lawn

But the temperatures froze

And I thawed right through

Then I booked a plane to China

And I thought forget it, I'm going to

Learn to be a miner

But underground it was dark and cold 

So I thought I'd move to Saudi Arabia, I was sold

But after I got there the quarantine was

on, so stayed in a hotel called Babylon

And they brought me grapes, and baskets of flowers

I looked out from my drapes and saw worldly powers 

fighting again over who owns the highest towers

So next I became a fish and swam in the ocean

Then I was a raven and soared high above commotion

Then I was a fox living in a hole

Then I was a mouse dining from a bowl

Last I was a house but kept getting deflated

Until I became a bouncy castle and finally inflated