Spiderman

 The spiders, the spiders are leaving

They're going to leave this fine town

They've wrapped up their trunks

And they're going to get drunk

Before the whole house burns down

Oh the spiders a rollicking drunk

And they're in a funk

With all the ants hanging round

Oh the spiders are leavin' this town

I wish that you could see them

In all their best finery

They've been dining at seven

Then they're legs eleven

On the wine of the pantry

They're looking for some flies to feed 'em

But nothing quite fits the bill

There's a blue bottle in a jam

And a long necked Daddy long legged man

But nothing a spider to fill

For it's time they are wanting to kill

Of course I am one of the spiders

I've got all the news, I'm an insider

I'm a newt in a pond

I'm turning James Bond

Into a family man

Well he's buying a white caravan

For every story needs a May king

Every character a rise and a fall

Is that a book that you're making?

Or is it just a rubber band ball?

Wrap it up in old Saliva

Wrap it in the leaves of the past

Autumn has gone

Like the plume of a swan

And you know beauty

It never did last

So hold your house in your purse strings

Hold you hands like shards of broken glass

Be careful of the mess you are making

For all good and bad things come to pass

Find your home on solid ground

Find your loan a love that will last

There's more for to atone 

than getting blood from a stone

And it's harder than a pain your arse

Rain

 Now the rain

It will make things grow

I know, I know I know

But blow me down, blow man blow

If it doesn't half make things wet so

Oh I get it, I get it, I get it and go

I get wet, and the wind does blow

But can't you just get it to go?

No, No, No! No? No!

It will stay, we'll let it

Nobody's yet found a way to vet it

So just let it go

Ai Aldi/self service blues again

 Oh give me miserable check out assistants

Give me moaning members of staff

Give me anything but these fake machines

Made of plastic, metal and glass

I want my shopkeepers to to be human

I want them full of their flaws

The only ones who prefer the drones

Are those who waive the miranda clause

Oh give me the those bitchy women

Oh give me those unreliable men

Because the good or the bad

They're all going to feel sad

When they're replaced by the self-service regimen

Yes the machines are there just for profit

They see nothing but notes

They forget themselves for these soul-less elves

Are what gives the politician votes

Oh skin yourself like the chicken you sell

Soon humans will come vacuum packed

We'll be sold on the shelves

As meat for the eleves

And they'll probably be self -stacked

Every row and aisle I wander

Is another vision of the future

Staff without social skills

Poor lonely shoppers

Old people death kills

By party poppers

Each birthday a drill

To bring out the hoppers

And collect another year's grain

But I am drained

As an Aldi worker

Wondering whether they'll work again

Oh come Luddites remember your name

Once we fought the machines

Well why not again?

The moment is ripe for the taking

if we don't the chance won't come again

Ai is here on the making

And soon is gonna be king

Then we'll have no digress 

Than to try to redress

The terrible changes we're making

Whatever the weather

 I think it must have been 

When the rain fell down

That I again thought about us

When all the rivers of trust ran away

And the trees fell into the flood

I think it must have been don't you think

Some kind of act of a God

Who threw us both together

Before the weather

Turned us both into mud

I've got to stop the shock waves

The foundations of the Earth are shaking

Echoing in this vast holy globe

Through all the holes we are making

It's got to be a question

Don't you think if sadness is worth the living

If kindness just ends up digging you holes

Into which we're both sinking

Where as cruelty and rules

Can make us both fools

To be colder and more alone than ever

When I look to those who recover themselves

Each time they look at the weather

The Westerns and the Easterns

Part 1 

And they laid the black snake on the ground

The gravel was thrashed all around

With its tail like a whale, a fluke-like flail

We could not fail to gasp at what he'd found

It lay coiled up under the bridge

Such an adder as this none could miss

A giant constrictor oh what a restrictor

Of voices and lips it would kiss

Hercules wrestled the black viper

The fight went back and forth like a wiper

First it was his, then it was hiss

And none could miss that snake sound

Oh but the path filled with laughter

As finally the snake gave up its ever-after

And said a hissing prayer then it rose in the air

And laid back down on the ground

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Part 2

Jason came out to Westbury

One day just as the lambs did lay

And the sheep in their golden wooliness

Bleated along the Strawberry way

Some wolves I saw a stalking

And an Argonaut felled one with a thrust

Then they fought the skeletons

That came dancing up the road in the dust

Jason soon helped in the laying of 

a mighty pipeline that lay

All the way from the Phoenician isles

Down to the Strawberry way

The culvert had been dug

By many hands before him

The Argonauts with the merry seamen

Heavy black pipes they lugged

Oracles from Far Orient-Easton

Came walking predicting the weather

And their dogs like howling hyenas

barked at the end of their tethers

Those Westerly westerners of Westbury Way

Charged mighty high words in the air that day

For this salt track nearly broke the camel's back

When the strawberry liners made hay

Achilles could have twisted his ankle

Agamemnon probably will

Helen of Troy with her entourage of boys

Is sure to pick up the bill

Somebody asked for a pick axe

Somebody for shovel

Somebody asked, he wore a mask

And I think that he lived in a hovel

Hitting hard bedrock with a wrecking bar

Laying down and going to sleep

The only ones not with a headache

Were the bleating, baaing sheep

When we finished laying piper Alpha

Alpha piper piped up and called for the pub

So we pootled on down to the Westbury arms

And we drank while we thought about grub

Not much of note really happened

It was another day for the argonauts

We could have shot for the stars

And hit the moon, but instead we did what we ought

There was a hovering sparrow hawk

And there were many wild flowers sown

I think that I should have done more work

But as it was time already had flown

Land and sea

 My hands get worse

My eyes can't see to hold you

In them

My hands, my hands

These organs

Of sense and touch

Storms and waves

Crash upon the shore

My hands are like the sea

Waving

My shoulders like the cliffs

My hips the boulders rolling

And my knees the pebbles crushing

Rounding to the toes of my feet

I am the land and the sea

I am caught in the sand

The land is in the heart of me

Waver

I hesitate on the shore

The tide goes out

Then comes back for more

And I'm in doubt

And then I'm so sure

When I see you waving at me

Oh waver, waver lady luck

Waver in Waverly Hall

Waver like a hand

You play in a game

Waver like a tennis ball

First it's in my court

And then it's in yours

Oh is this a kind of sport?

I'm really not sure

When love is a waving game

It's now love- all

At a quarter to four

And I'm on the line serving

While you're the other end

Waving 

Crying out late call

Let, will you let me?

Forget? Never shall we

Deuce, by God

The Umpire stalls

Waving, waving

New balls! new balls!

Waver, waver lady

Waving me goodbye

Inside of a minute

I just want to cry

It's a crying shame

Love is a waving game

And the wave just passed us by

I'm waving at you

But I hear you sigh

Waver, waver, oh waver in favour

First you're standing

Next time you lie

But it's all in the truth

Of the contract in the sky

If it's waving at me

I know it's my turn

To die

Waving, waving

I waver, waving hello 

and while I'm waving goodbye