I was dogmatic
As I attacked the attic
With my dog and bone
Rang static, through heaving clouds
Of coulds and shoulds
Of which I must atone
And pile drove my piles of paperwork
Down to the factory run by berserks
Who swab and test me like a dog
I cry down boy to the nurse
But she doesn't hear
My dog-eared cries
And yet like a family sized box
Of varieties, I sort of take a dog leg
Into doggerel like a mongrel
Fawning, forced from my race against
The clock, by the fox
And release the dogs of war
Because it is a dog fight out there
Or so they say on Albert Square
And what do I know?
I'm just a dog who sits
In front of a box
And waits for air
To remind me its time for a walk
Do the 'walk the dog' dance in the park
Doggie style, no that's something else
I'm thinking of a dog collar I have to wear
The commissioner? No the Bishop? Yeah
And the actress, you know the one
From Lady and the tramp
And the dog training camp
Bad bitches or some kind of ramp
That they racked up to a fever pitch
And I'm too strewn in strudels
From a sky full of smorgasbords
To care, because
It's raining cats and dogs
You guessed it folks he's here
Your one and only Disney character
Dog cartoon Pluto
And then you say - but he wasn't a dog was he?
Yeah, true blue, down to his last inch
He took it by a hair's breadth to win
The competition at Crufts
Well hair of the dog you say
Yes.. well who am I to argue with
A contradiction?
The fact that all these dogs seem to understand
Nowadays, is how to roll over, fetch, be a good boy
But nobody is saving Joan of Arc,
None of them are running into the flames of
A burning building to rescue poor little Jimmy
No they've not been trained that way,
Even if their instinct is to rescue little Timmy
Then their training says otherwise
Be afraid, be very afraid when poodle grooming
Becomes prime time television viewing
You know either something is seriously wrong
With society or we are in a pandemic and lock down
Or both
Who let the dogs out?
I ask myself again and again, but after listening
To the song on repeat I am still unable to solve
That profound mystery
Dog-darn it
