Tomcat

 He's just a Tom cat he's spreading his claws

He's a Tom cat, he's going outdoors

he's trying his luck

he's pushing the flap

nobody told him 

curiosity killed the cat

But perhaps if I didn't judge him so harshly

And throw him out of my flat

I wouldn't be singing a song about him

That wandering Tom cat

I don't know what it is he's wanting

He seems impatient for all of that

I gave him food, he had warmth and coddling

But he's just a restless Tom cat

Open mic nights

 He's your friend

He's my friend

Is he anyone's?

Where does it all end

Don't ask me

I'm only the MC

I'm just behind the scenes

I'm on the beams

I'm the DJ

I don't exist when the music stops

Well none of us do

It's a hard world gone soft

It's the bright lights with the colours toned down

It's I would rather be born

To someone wearing brown

Because the colour of life is in the human interaction

Whether that's a voice singing

Or a glance, an eyebrow raised,

 a leg shifted

The turn of phrase 

It's not in the music

But that is the sauce

Because we all just taste life better

When were in the main course

I don't mean don't pay the piper

I don't mean abandon the band

But the point of going to a music night

Is the whole darn caravan

So don't drown out the conversation

 with too much loud noise

I mean let us enjoy our own company

Not only the sound waves, boys

Keep us together

 Oh try and keep us together

We can't do this on our own

Oh and why can't you try and keep us together

we can't do this on our own

In the night there is a flower

And it blooms inside our room

Oh and in the cold night's hour

I can almost reach the moon

So now why can't you try and keep us together

We can't do this on our own

Anyway you look

It is in the radio's power

To hold you on its hook

Anyway you want

It is in mouth of the Gower

The river's strongest current

And anyhow you mean

I'm looking to a higher power

To give me the courage to lean

back and let it go

So can't you keep us together

We've no way to know

Joke 123

 Austentatious-Appearing like Jane Austen

Catalytic converters or Catholic converters

What do you cook beetroot in? 

Beethoven

Who is the most indestructible British politician?

In Vince Cable in it

Ball park games

 You can't change a heart that's fixed

on being hard

You can't send back to the start

Something that's gone wrong 

so many yards

I threw the ball you caught it

Why we were in the same

ball park

So why did you sell your 

season ticket

To the nearest loan shark

You know you'll want it back

But now with interest

Can't you see you gave up your seat

For the match of the century

I've tried to reason with you

I've eaten the bitter seed

I've tasted what life feels like

Without that kind of need

But there is a feeling inside

That is more than simply greed 

I'm standing in the yard

Rain is falling on my song

I can't remake this art

Into something so strong

Wax on, wax off

 The ear wax consultant fell in love

With a rubber glove

They met in the Ear canal

Upon An aural gondola floating the ear drum

beat loud with her hearts rhythm

thurum, thurum

Until she did succumb

To the wax monster

The slug

 of

Candle plug

She lit the wick

To his dick

And blew it all apart

In a discharge

I was taken off the patient list

I'd overstepped the mark

Ejaculation according to suction

The hum of the speculum

The line was drawn in the sand

But from space it looked like a giant ear

Perhaps the Mayans had ear wax removal too

And knew it to be a

transcendental experience

Help you

 How, how can I help you?

How can I help, he ha ha he help you?

How, ow aw ho, ha how can I

How can I help you?