The sea under my thumb

 I had the sea under my thumb

I had a bee in my bonnet and a bread crumb

It came out of me like I had gone numb

Oh I had the sea under my thumb

We had really pushed the boat out

It was a flotilla of rudders and clout

It was seasoned by unders of trout

Floundering, foundering all about

I skinned a brass monkey flew six sheets to the wind

I wasted my money on blackjack but never to win

And old sally's army has me by the skin

Of my nose, my teeth and my false grin

They're liars those men I meet at the bar

They're liars, charlatans con artists they are

Pretending to be the wise men of the ship

But they're scrabbling round inside of a skip

Why did I ever offer up my piano

the last chance I had of bringing it narrow

Singing it sparrow

It was mine, but I gave it away

To people who will never be friends anyway

People who I pay

People who I pay

The sea is rotten as a green tomato

and I am forgotten before I even start oh

Have I an option, or am I overcome

With the greatest sadness of all, 

that's missing my mum

Seven seas or Oceans Eleven part 1

 There's the Pacific

That's Terrific

There's the Adriatic, quite dramatic

The Aegean, that's tragean 

The Caspian, that's almost Latvian

The Black sea it was a slack sea

The Red sea, it was ahead of me

As I rode back from the dead sea

Still alive quite luckily

Then the Atlantic, I was frantic

Sailing about in a panic

But I found my bearings

without the scarings in the Berings

But it wasn't easy and I got quite queasy

As I joined the Chukchi

The Strait was laced

With all I've faced

And ever hope to after

But chuckling laughter

Overcame me

As I headed North West towards Alaska

Yes it was a task Sir

I ask yer

Sailing the Beaufort scale

I hit every kind of gale

And tried to master

My ship from certain disaster

Crossed the map

The lap of land

They call The North Pole

Didn't see a soul

But thought I'd stay in control

As I circled the Arctic Ocean

There was a polar bear or two

In the Siberian vicinity

And a cuttlefish who knew

What it all meant to me

I put on the kettle

And tested my mettle

As I passed through Kara and Berrents

Whoever said there were only seven seas?

They didn't make any sense

I could have bet my bottom dollar

That that Norwegian with the high collar

Was Father Christmas

Or just getting pissed as 

A Svalbardi President Lincoln

After that I took a break in Greenland

And found it as green as grain of sand

But for all that I loved the diversity

Of all the titanic icebergs adversity

They made me glad I wasn't at university

Though of course I am sad at that perversity

Still I journeyed on to the Labrador Sea

It was a well behaved doggie

It barked and lapped

But I patted its back

And it fetched its tide there and slack

And I felt like a stick a drift

As I was lassoed by the Sargasso 

Toe to toe, I heave hoed

With every rope in the rigging

And I was jigged without much hope

Down onto the Caribbean 

The warm was wind

And the wind was warm

And the seaweed full of eels

And it made me feel

Head over heels

As I felt the tropic of Cancer

A thunder and a blowing storm

As night time was the right time

To drink rum and watch the wild Palms sway

I lay on my back in the sand

And visited bars

And lost nearly every hand

Of poker, but I played on

And penniless returned to sea

The truth hit me near Chile

That I'd scoffed a lot of chocolate

In the sea of Scotia

And it was heating up inside me

I need to cool off

So I molokoved down for a cocktail

In the Antarctic circle

What's the rush?

 Oh where do you think you're going?

And what's the rush

The sea is still flowing

And it's master of us

You're not the rulers of land or law

Her name is Nature

And she's red in tooth and in claw

Well, Jesus is the ruler of the hearts of me

And God his father in heaven above

But there's only one ruler under the sun

And her name is Nature 

and she's a son of a gun 

The drovers

 End of the drove

Where do they go?

All those people

When the bar closes?

All those lost people

All those lonely souls

Bitter as litter

That blows

When the field knows

The cattle in rows

Filled, eating the bar

Chewing the cud

Drifting back home

In their droves

But where do they go?

Another bar opens

And they hang there

Like pegs

On a line with no

Clothes

More you than me

It's more you than me

Like the fishes in the sea

When they hold out for school

We better get back to the cool

Oh it's more you than me

I've got an African doll

It's a voodoo for the soul

I've been meaning to break free

Oh it's more you than me

Have you heard the church bells?

The virtues they extol  

so why can't you see?

That it's more you than me

Amulet

 Amulet, oh amulet

Are you for sale or let?

It's the way you dangle like a charm

Just out of reach, fall into my arms

Swinging like a chandelier

Once so far, now so near

I'm in love with you Amulet

Oh Amulet, you're like Juliet

And I'm your Romeo

Come down from your balcony

And we'll go home-o

No I don't want an Emu, I want an Amu

But it'll have to be an IOU, I won't forget

If you want us to walk in our dancing shoes

Dear Amulet

Oh Amulet, oh Amulet

I can see how it's dangerous for you

To stand there so alone with vacant eyes

Like a warehouse with no goods

Empty as a pocket, oh my poor Amulet

Once you were filled with eyes and ears and legs

Once there were boys and girls and now

There's only pigeon eggs

Well if all the world's a stage,

Then your's hasn't been written yet

Woe betide those who've tried

To write-off the Amulet

You're going to make a come back

I can see it in the stars and I'll bet

You'll make a bloody good theatre

And you deserve another go-get

So let's raise a toast

And make a boast

Of our Dear Amulet

Joke 621

 What type of behaviour do fishmongers exhibit?

Selfish behaviour