Rain bow road

 The rainbow road

Tied me down below

The golden road 

The sun ran down

Burning golden, shining shield

Rain tied me to her, rain tied to her

Oh the motorway is a rainbow road

Full of all colourful lights

And we always believe at the end

Of the road

There will be a pot of gold

full of all our delights

But it is just another river of souls

One we may step into for a spell

And dip our toe, just to know

What it may be like

If we really took flight

But it is all back down in our lap

Yes it's in the lap of the gods we reside

If we only stop at home on the map

And take a good look inside

So tell me if you are rain tied

If you are caught up or hooked down inside

To the rain of your love or the love of the road

For love is a road to abide

And love it is a rainbow road

Shining in clear blue skies

So get back that blue sky thinking

Before you start sinking

Down like the sun or the tide

Open season

Jarred the feeling in my mind,
Like a door left open,
I've slipped on a lemon rind
And the taste is bitter to tell the truth
Like when I trip over
And chip a tooth
Or lift the chip on my shoulder
And discover its a scab
Covering something older
Than an cold kebab
Skewering me through
With the rod I made myself
Standing in the queue
For God to check my health
When he does answer my prayer
I become a soldier there's nothing
I can't bear
But a cart wheeling
I go down the hill
The jacks have been thrown
When he broke up with Jill
Humpty Dumpty's crown
Is in pieces on the ground

And his mind is tripping
On banana skins
Forecasting shipping
Is how the play begins
Somewhere off the coast
Of the Shetland isles
A captain gives a toast
To a room full of smiles
And now he sees her ghost
In the corner by the piles
Of rope left over
After the fishing net miles

A gull looms above
As a wanton crow
Flies in a straight line
But with nowhere to go
Than Follow the ship
The Fellowship
Of Worship
In the sea
Of snow
ho, ho

Caveman cometh

 Some people call me the caveman

Because they don't understand

I like to eat my mash potatoes and meat

But I do behave and when life is on a lathe I am

The one who can shave a dollar off the street

So don't roar in your hunger

Oh you saber toothed tiger

I feel nothing any longer

From the day I grew incisors

And my molars crushed my vegetable matter

In my teeth

So I'll be singing all day long to you

You know that I belong to you

I'm your songbird

Singing sweetly tweet tweet tweet

Fem ale

 Fem ale - ale for women

Lizard Tale

 To cut a long tail short

The lizard bought a new tail

In a tail sale

For her own tail went pale

And dropped off

For me it was beyond the pale

So I had some curly Kale

Mag pie versus Jay

 Magpie versus Jay

Jay

Chitta Chatta, chitta chatta Hey

I'm the Jay

In the the studio today

Recording my bite

It's open mic night

And I know what I've come down here to say

Yo Magpie, wight

Little black and white knight

Flitter like the litter

Outta my sight

I ain't saluting nothing

You're like a puffin

Always duffin

Looking for a fight

But you ain't got might

Not like dude Jay, he hit the heights

See the muscle in my hustle

My wing nuts are taut tight

Magpie

Hey dude, hey dude, hey Jay

Go make your hay on the motorway

You overstayed your parking bay

You owe me money, that aint funny

So pay up, this pay day day Jay

Cough up or shut up

Cos I'm gonna stick you in a coffin

With the lid nailed shut

Six feet under ground like a pig nut

You just go on telling porkies

About Magpies you gonna get cut

Jay

Well hey there sausage 

You've come to the right shop

I'm the butcher with his carving knives up

Whats up, you seen somein you like huh

I can cut you into rashers like a pork chop

Fry you in the pan like bacon

I aint makin some kind a joke

You  gonna be smokin

Like a pig in a poke

Chokin' on your words

Like a faux king

A sailor's carol

The bells are ringing in the rigging

From the mast they toll

Scotty's up in the crow's nest

Christmas time's on his soul

Hanging up the bunting

Safe and warm at home

Out here a storm's a blowing

Far out to sea they roam

Christmas ghosts move the sails

Christmas memories snap the ropes

All are filled with year-end tales

Tailing off in Christmas hopes

They hope they'll make it back for Christmas

Before the loving fire's embers

Have glowed in a reddened pulp

In the heart of late December

How does your love keep burning

In the hearts of Captain and seamen

Out amongst waves outrageous

To put out the bravest lights?

Hold fast men of Truro's ageless

Sentinels of land and sea

See the burning lighthouse wageless

Fight fraught and dauntless be

Until the tide rings in the changes

And brings your boats back to me

Oh come all ye faithful sailors

Make it back to hope's town free