Rain bow road

 The rainbow road

Tied me down below

The golden road 

The sun ran down

Burning golden, shining shield

Rain tied me to her, rain tied to her

Oh the motorway is a rainbow road

Full of all colourful lights

And we always believe at the end

Of the road

There will be a pot of gold

full of all our delights

But it is just another river of souls

One we may step into for a spell

And dip our toe, just to know

What it may be like

If we really took flight

But it is all back down in our lap

Yes it's in the lap of the gods we reside

If we only stop at home on the map

And take a good look inside

So tell me if you are rain tied

If you are caught up or hooked down inside

To the rain of your love or the love of the road

For love is a road to abide

And love it is a rainbow road

Shining in clear blue skies

So get back that blue sky thinking

Before you start sinking

Down like the sun or the tide

Open season

Jarred the feeling in my mind,
Like a door left open,
I've slipped on a lemon rind
And the taste is bitter to tell the truth
Like when I trip over
And chip a tooth
Or lift the chip on my shoulder
And discover its a scab
Covering something older
Than an cold kebab
Skewering me through
With the rod I made myself
Standing in the queue
For God to check my health
When he does answer my prayer
I become a soldier there's nothing
I can't bear
But a cart wheeling
I go down the hill
The jacks have been thrown
When he broke up with Jill
Humpty Dumpty's crown
Is in pieces on the ground

And his mind is tripping
On banana skins
Forecasting shipping
Is how the play begins
Somewhere off the coast
Of the Shetland isles
A captain gives a toast
To a room full of smiles
And now he sees her ghost
In the corner by the piles
Of rope left over
After the fishing net miles

A gull looms above
As a wanton crow
Flies in a straight line
But with nowhere to go
Than Follow the ship
The Fellowship
Of Worship
In the sea
Of snow
ho, ho

Caveman cometh

 Some people call me the caveman

Because they don't understand

I like to eat my mash potatoes and meat

But I do behave and when life is on a lathe I am

The one who can shave a dollar off the street

So don't roar in your hunger

Oh you saber toothed tiger

I feel nothing any longer

From the day I grew incisors

And my molars crushed my vegetable matter

In my teeth

So I'll be singing all day long to you

You know that I belong to you

I'm your songbird

Singing sweetly tweet tweet tweet

Fem ale

 Fem ale - ale for women

Lizard Tale

 To cut a long tail short

The lizard bought a new tail

In a tail sale

For her own tail went pale

And dropped off

For me it was beyond the pale

So I had some curly Kale

Magpie versus Jay

Jay

I'm a colourful crow

I'm in the know

I'm tuned in to the wind

I'll go where it goes

You're out of range Magpie

You're Dr Strange

Your signal is on the blink

When I see you it's just static

Fuzz, white noise,

 Black night, no joys

Magpie

I'm a dancing devil

You better know my name

piebald, no I'm lucky that's my fame

I'm full of joy, boy, I'm on top of the world, girl

What if I steal a little, I only borrow

That never brought so much sorrow

I've hammered my tree house up top

While you bury your Oak nuts in an antique shop

You think you're a clever fella?

Well you've been storing your acorns

In the wrong lawns, gives you false dawns

You're nothing but a squirrel with wings

And the way you scream it makes my ears ring

You like to mock, well the laughs on you

Copycat, 

can't you come up with anything

More original than that?

You've got nuts on the brain

You must be a forester

Planting oak trees everywhere

You dig a hole and drop an acorn in

Then you can't remember where you've been

Spend the rest of the spring on the hunt for the thing

You could have just caught your meal instead of squirreling

 

Jay

Yo Magpie, you turn the day into night

Little black and white kite

Sailing against the wind

Bad Omen, makes a Sad Roman

Probably caused the fall of Rome

Blame you for all and a broken home

Flitter like the litter

Outta my sight

I ain't saluting nothing

You're like a puffin

Mouth full of silver

Always thievin

Can't trust nothing you say

You see a flash and you're away

Trying poach a gold chain

Why don't you try earning a living

Like me, I'm an honest bird

Earn an honest day's pay

Haven't you heard? Jay's a grafter

You're a grifter and a shifter

I only have to look at you

And I fall around in laughter

Magpie

You a grafter? That fills me with laughter

Especially after, I hear you chatter away

You never shut up, chump

You're in the bushes with your pals

Shooting the breeze chatting up gals

It's Jay, they say, he's not a serious bird

You lack my gravitas, you're just

a gimmick, cheap as chips, you chirp

and chat, you're like the chaff

And I'm like the grain

You'll be gone with the wind

Washed down the drain

You're only good for mopping up spills

Jay cloth, with your silly big bills

 

Jay

Well hey there sausage you can be my pork pie

You've come to the right meat shop

I'm the butcher with his carving knives up

Whats up? You've seen something you don't like huh?

I can cut you into rashers like a pork chop

Fry you in the pan like bacon

I aint makin some kind a joke

You  gonna be smokin

Like a pig in a poke

Chokin' on your words

You silver tongue bird

Forked tongued more like, double crossing

Snake in the grass, go collect your bus pass

You're old news, I'm the new bird on the block

And it's a chopping block, I'm sharpening my knives

Magpie

Hey Jay, keep your greedy beak shut

I've got the upperhand

I'm like Big Ben, gonna give you

The golden gong

Pound your head with my song

Don't you know you better doff your cap to me

I'm the devil in disguise

You're caught between me and the deep blue sea

I'm the hard place you can't get through

You're running into hell and I'm selling you shoes

I've got your soul in my pocket too

You've been Jay-walking and I'm gonna sock it to you

I've got the policeman's punch, I'm in the black and white bunch

I'm the boys in blue and I'm coming for you

Woo, woo, calling the police

Jay

I'm the Jay dog, it doesn't take a road hog

You'll be road kill, just a meal on the bill

Come to my party, we'll be dining on you

You're gonna pay the Jay, with your pound of flesh

Magpie I'm gonna slice you up, like a pie chart fresh

 Meat is the thing on the bone or tip of the wing

You can tip me too, I'll be waiting on you

So come dine in my restaurant Magpie stew's on the menu

A sailor's carol

The bells are ringing in the rigging

From the mast they toll

Scotty's up in the crow's nest

Christmas time's on his soul

Hanging up the bunting

Safe and warm at home

Out here a storm's a blowing

Far out to sea they roam

Christmas ghosts move the sails

Christmas memories snap the ropes

All are filled with year-end tales

Tailing off in Christmas hopes

They hope they'll make it back for Christmas

Before the loving fire's embers

Have glowed in a reddened pulp

In the heart of late December

How does your love keep burning

In the hearts of Captain and seamen

Out amongst waves outrageous

To put out the bravest lights?

Hold fast men of Truro's ageless

Sentinels of land and sea

See the burning lighthouse wageless

Fight fraught and dauntless be

Until the tide rings in the changes

And brings your boats back to me

Oh come all ye faithful sailors

Make it back to hope's town free