Buttocks

 You buttocks, your buttocks

Your shins and your sandals

Your pins and your vandals

Your scandals of sleaze

Your buttocks or shuttocks

Or closeted muttocks

And tussocks of fussocks

And closets of ease

Oh come from your buttocks

Speak forth your rude shocks

ruttocks and rollicks and rolling your cheese

Down hillocks and hussocks

And hattocks and haystacks

And bayracks, and may slacks

In feysacks of peas

Or pick strawberry tea cakes

Remonstrance bees wax

Or flea tax on market,

Oh do park it please

Your buttocks I mean

Down on your seats

And now you are seated

Then listen well to me

buttocks

futtocks

hammocks

hat tricks

headstocks

shamrocks

bannocks

buttock

cassocks

destocks

Shepton Show

 A is for apple

Just a pure comedy song

Just the way we can grapple for where we go wrong

Live and be merry

Die and get long

Like the shadows in the orchards

When I was young

Cow play of the herd

Instinct, moo movement

Turd ringlet, who ever heard

Of a bull

With a ring in the end of his nose?

Shire horses suffolks

Built like tree trunks and their buttocks

Not even the endless toning in a gym

Could come up to the mark on him

His great grand daddy was an American Stallion

Brought over by the owners

Mustang, no mustang Sally

Drive your rodeo out of town

Clip, clop, tightly prigged

Pony tails of the braids

Like their riders so tight lipped with bit in mouth

And dressage horses,

slim of ankle

Not these tanks,

They have no fur for the clay earth

To clog in

Shoed

The reality of man!

Don't take your trash out

With me inside the can

I don't want to make a mistake but

I think I need a plan

I need to escape from

The Reality of Man

I try to see through your eyes

What I need to be

I don't know if I can

Or its possibility

There really should be 

much more to life than this

Oh I'm trying to escape

The Reality of Man

I need you to understand 

the home of the free

Is a place that I want to go

Whether you are with me

It is in my future plan

How motherly

I can't quite understand

The reality of man

Hope is a chariot that burns across the sky

And every fire fly lands in my eye

Anytime wisdom comes stepping at my door

I must say to wisdom I don't want you no more

Come take my hand, I'm waiting for you

To be wondering sweetly what we should do

And I hold out my best foot, and put it to the ground

And we walk down the aisle of

The reality of man!

Can you swing softly across

The barricade 

Where the wars and the bullets

Are all just manmade

And nothing in this nature can 

Follow this plan

That's why I must escape from

The Reality..

The reality of man

Oh you maybe a leader

Of men or of fate

You can be the seeder 

of love or of hate

Just wait your turn

And mind you aren't late

For there's a train leaving nightly

From the citadel's gates

Don't shoot the messenger

You know his life's bate

To catch the truth teller

Who lies on a silver plate

 You shouldn't try and do things 

just because you can

You need an escape from

The Reality of man

Cosmic lightning crashing

Sprite, elves and blue jets

Dancing in the thrashing

Thunder in the vets

Dogs howling outright

Will be your best friend if he can

But even he must escape from

The reality of man! 

Life will do you in

 Life will do you in

Every last little sin

That you can't be without

That you can't be within

Every laughing lout

In the Tavern inn

Life will do you in

Hear the postman shout

A letter for Miss Gin

Are you in or are you out

He's no doubt

That she is in

Life will do you in

In the news

 Well it's all in the news

Yes it's all in the news

Yes you can talk softly or follow your muse

You can walk down

Long winding views

But word will get out

Yes it's all in the news

It's all in the news, yes it's all in news

The simple life's quashed, underfoot it's bruised

You can pull on your strings

And make puppets to amuse

But don't wait to look, for it's all in the news

The city sleeps softly

Like a shallow stream

Waking at the noises come

Into its dream

Well you can set foot or try to lose

But the fox hound will catch you

And you'll be in the news

Their leaders mean to puzzle you

To outwit or confuse

Nothing's clear nowadays

They will lie and abuse

Only hold a lamp up to each word they say

Take it with a pinch of salt

Maybe the truth will have its day

It's all in the news, yes it's all in the news

They will take you to the mountain

And they will make you pray

And if there is no fountain

For to drink from or pay

Throw your money in your shoes

For a rainy day

It's all in the news, yes it's all in the news, they say

You can treat them kindly

But more will come your way

You can beat them harshly

With the soul of your blues

But the stain never vanishes

Yes it's here to stay

Cos it's all in the news, it's all in the news

They'll write the last word

On the letter of the day 

the whole hog

 You only went half a pig

I was giving it big

I went the whole hog

No snuggery fig

I went the whole hog

The full grog

I went Phileas Fogg

On the world's cog

I didn't go quarter llama

I went full pyjama

I went whole moon

no semi sunrise monsoon

Pigs might fly

Well why can't I?

I went the whole hog

I tried to take it full pelt

Put my pedal to the metal

I was going full tilt

No piggy in the middle

Full dress no tartan kilt

I went the whole hog

Not playing leap frog

On the bottom of the bill

I was the last act

I had time to kill

I needed to check my facts

It was not unfulfilled

I completed my contract

I went the whole hog

I got fully skilled

But it was show time

In the paddy field

I had to pick rice

To make my meal

But it was versa vice

Not a mixed deal

There was no sacrifice

I was not half peeled

I sucked on bitter lemons

I swallowed bitter pills

I went to seven elevens

With fifty dollar bills

And climbed the stairs to heaven

Though some I skipped

I spilled

The milk for the cat

Who never learnt to heel

She had 9 lives

But I knew summer's chilled

The lives that made that

Out of earshot revealed

I went the whole hog

now nothing's left concealed

bird woman

 The woman who turned into a bird

Haven't you heard

She lay down in bed to rest her head

And awoke in a flutter of feathers

From her skin had grown quills

And like the ribs of Adam

Given her chills

In the fridge of Iron

Railings that made her bed

She sprang from the springs

And onto her wings

Turning wildly up in the air

Knocking off vases from places

Then she flew down the stairs

And out of the door 

To the new morning thaw

As the sun called her

Up to the sky

She was free as a bird

Unchained from the woman

to whom she said good bye