Fire at Barrow-in-Furness

Police say there's no new clear risk to the public

or nuclear risk?

Due North

 (C) Oh my Captain, my (G) soul

(F) Take my ship where you want it to (G) go

(C)It's under your  (F) control

Now

(Bb)But the compass shows we've gone off course

(F)For we should be heading

 (C)due North

(C) North where the polar bears are swearing blue murder

(F) North where the soldiers aren't respecting the border

(C) North in the arctic circle, 

(Bb) and the straits of miracle 

(F)Oh North, 

(C) heading due North

 (c) It's getting colder, but my soul is getting (G) warmer

(F) Sun's getting lower, darkness (G)over my shoulder

(C) I was born in the south like a (G) swallow

(F) But I feel now it's my soul (G) I must follow

(Bb)On it's true course

(F)That's why I'm heading

(C)Due North

(F)And if you catch me 

(C)then I should be easy to spot

(F)My legs are running free

(C)And my temperature is hot

(Bb) like a coal

(F)And though it is freezing

(C)Just know that I am not

(Bb)For I am following the  (G)force

(F)I am heading 

(C)due North

(C) We are rolling

(F)On the wild free ocean

(C) And I am letting go

(F)Of all my sad emotion

(C)Now it's free

(F)There's only one place I want to be

(Bb) On earth

(F)That is heading 

(c) Due North

Mermaid Halloween or a dark tale

 I met a mermaid, a slipper a slapper

I met a mermaid, a flipper a flapper, a mermaid

Oh we walked along the Bristol docks

For she wished me to buy her a frock

A slipper, a slapper, a mermaid 

But she could not walk so I pushed her in a barrow

Along the cobbled streets and the lanes quite narrow

A flipper, a flapper mermaid

But when I told her I had no money

A slipper, a slapper, a flipper, a flapper

She hit me with her tail and she looked at me funny

A slipper, a slapper, a mermaid

Well I said I told you I was but a sailor

Then she told me what she needed was really a tailor

a slipper, a slapper a mermaid

So I took her to the fishmonger

a flipper, a flapper a mermaid

And I said to him, I'd like her topped and tailed

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

So he chopped off her tail and gave me £60 for the sale

A flipper, a flapper a mermaid

And I thought that was the end of my fish-bride-tale 

A slipper, a slapper a mermaid

But her fishtail grew a head like the whale 

a flipper a flapper a mermaid

And I think the fishmonger made a good sale

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

But her top half I put back in the barrow

A flipper a flapper a mermaid

And the fishmonger did make her a wrapper

A slipper a slapper, a mermaid

He said: the price of fish is a terrible thing

It can make a haddock hack, and a mackerel sing

If you love a mermaid Jack, then make her a ring

And marry head and tail, that's price of a fish market sale

He said: the price of fish is a thing to abide

It goes up in bad weather and down like the tide

And if you're a sailor then neither a tailor be

What's the price of fish worth when there's plenty

more in the sea?

Back home on the sofa, my mermaid and me

We tried to get closer, but she was pale as can be

So I went to the kitchen to brew her a cup of tea

A flipper, a flapper, a mermaid

When I came back in, two new legs she had sprouted

And I looked at them fondly , but then she sad doubted

That she could ever walk again, so I said then let's just try

And she walked and did the splits and kicked up high to the sky

Oh a flipper a flapper, my new mermaid bride

Was the full ticket now as we walked the dock side

And I brought her to the boutique where a new frock she tried

Oh a slipper and a slapper, she looked so good I could've cried

Oh a flipper and flapper, my girl walked a clip clapper

Oh a slipper and a slapper she could dance a toe tapper

And we walked around the fish market, and I never thought

Of the sale

But I think that she remembered because she looked a bit pale

So if you ever love one side of a mermaid, but you don't love the other

Don't confuse Mary Magdalene with the fairy Godmother

You can just accept her, or you can chop her in two for a laugh

But when you refer to her later, you better call her your better half

Metacarpal

 I met a carp all about the pool

Swimming 

In a pool the other day

I met a day all awash with rain

He said you fool why have you come

Without your fish scales

I said I tuned out but

Last I heard you were

A bridged whales

A bridge to Wales so

You say, ah but hearsay gossip

Don't listen to the neigh Sayers

Only the horse's mouth and lips

PGCFE fiasco

 On my first day of the PGCfe

I had my gardening knife and pencil was blunt

So I began surreptitiously sharpening it into my bag

The teacher noticed me apparently and spoke to me in the break

About bringing knives into college

Next Tuesday I had enjoyed a wine bottle on the weekend

And had washed it up, however I had misplaced my glass milk bottle

Which I usually use in to drink from as I find it better than the plastic bottle

 with water in

So I used the wine bottle instead - it was in my recycling 

Carefully washed up and ready to go

But little did I know

This was also not an acceptable drinking receptacle at a college

What does seem acceptable though is for mentors and tutors to simply

abandon their mentees and teacher students

And drop them in at the deep end

Which is why I want to leave

Tackle everything with a positive attitude

Saint George

 I remember when I was a child

And the painting

the mural on the wall of the Catholic

Church

Of Saint George fighting the dragon

It always gave me heart

I fell into that tapestry

I was one of those people running scared

But I knew Saint George would save me

Because he is always there

Just when I need him

I call him in my prayers

And he will come and fight my demons

He will make peace with bears

The Horse's shoe

 Oh Jamie

The polish on your glasses

Is not same

I feel I forget my own

Name

Ee

There's a hill named frog

It's drunk up all the grog

And

I think that it's such a 

Shame

ee

Well you run a bar like a Queen

We are so far

But ever green

we think We're middle aged

But actually it saged

The wisest amongst us

Is never seen

I had 2 pints of Blindman's bluff

The blond beer

Was the golden stuff

You served it like a queen

It was all so Steve McQueen

But you know I'm really no

Film buff

If there was some place to

Leave my package

Like DPD or Amazon

Raffle

Perhaps the post office

Had returned

Would you like to show Saint George

Just how we remember his name?

We shine the flagpole

We raise

The flag of blame

I prefer blame to shame

But both have skin in the game

Both can make the conscience flinch

Both can make the face pained pink

It is an honest account

At least that's what alcohol amounts

To

And no, no, no doubt

His wife would have something to shout

About

Oh Jamie

You drive men made

With your body shaped like a jar

So curvy, it's like you're a star

Of the overwrought at the bar

I have to stay I noticed

But do I think you'd be 

The one 

Making friends with an alcoholic

Is not the way to beat

The cholic

He already has your number

Written on

His shirt sleeves' umbra

Shadow of the fallen race

Yet he is the one

Of poor taste

No religious nut is he

Only One flew over the cuckoo's tree

And state and all is free

When we let all things just be