Marathon Man

 Hello, is that the marathons?

Yes,

Oh great, I'd like to join you

Well we'd be very pleased to have you. But you've phoned up our help line, so how can we help?

Oh a while ago now I tried to start running

That's great, but are you having suicidal thoughts?

Well sometimes when I'm running

I want to run in front of a truck

Well, you are doing the right thing by phoning us up 

and trying to get some exercise

Yes well, for a long time I didn't know you

had a telephone number?

Oh how did you hear about us?

Well I was feeling depressed one day

And someone said I should talk to the 'Marathons'

Uhhuh!

Yes, I figured I better get fit and join the local running team

So you did?

Yes I used to do the Park run every Saturday and then I built

myself up until I could manage a half marathon

Wow, well done you!

Thanks...so when I was there I would really try to talk to the Marathons

about how I was feeling.. you know telling them I was depressed

And what happened?

Well they kept running even faster to try to get away from me!

Amazing

Yes, and so then I would run even faster to try to keep up...I actually broke my own personal best

as did many other runners on that day

I was feeling so good about myself, but still I had this niggling thought

This wasn't quite the full marathon

So Anyway then I joined the London marathon, then New York, Sydney, Nepal

Each time I trying to speak with the marathons, and they really helped me

You know I'velost  pounds of weight, I am fitter than I've ever been

I keep to a strict exercise regime

Well what a fantastic story

So what I wanted to do was thank you personally Mr Marathon for helping me so much

Well, that is really very kind of you as you see we are the Samaritans

Not the marathons?

No the Samaritans, but I'm sure some us are Samaritan runners 

Caveman

 My mama said son, what you gonna be?

For you're nearly 9 and it's 45000 BC

I said now mama, why don't you know

I don't wanna lay bricks and I don't wanna build

I Don't wanna join the stone mason guild

I just wanna lie around all day

In your cave? She said

I said Uhhuh ugh hey

I'm a cave man, don't you see

I'm a cave man from 45 k BC

I wanna go out and gather and hunt

While my woman stays home 

Takes care of the little runts

I'm a cave man ,I got no colour TV

I'm a cave man, I can count 1 2 3

I'm a cave man and I'm on the prowl

For a mammoth to kill

While I hear the wild cat growl

So son, she said, the world is changing fast

You can't be a cave man and live in past

Your father he managed but was killed by a rock

That fell from a height while he was building a dock

Now what you should be is a sailor out to sea

Build a boat or invent the wheel

I depends how you feel 

But whatever you do, don't stay in the cave, 

for life's out there to be lived

And you've got to be brave

Oh mama dear mama, I wanna run free in the wood

And chase after bears and antelopes

She said that won't do you no good

You gotta use your brain, and think with your head

We invented fire last week otherwise we'd be dead

Sometimes it's cold and sometimes it's hot

But you gotta be bold make the most of what you've got

Why not start a jewellery business selling necklaces of bone

I said, I don't have fine motor skills and anyway I'd need a loan

She said why don't you get off your ass and go to the bank

The manager there is a customer of mine named Hank 

He can surely give you all the bones you'd want

Well I don't have chisel I said, she said What?

I said I'm a caveman, why can't you see,

I never learnt to write, only abc

That's why you called me Abel

And my brother you named Cain

And I think he's hiding under the table

playing some wicked game

Mother:

Now pretty soon Neanderthals like us will be extinct

Don't you see son you can't just follow your instinct

What you need is a role model like Cro Magnon man

He's over there looking so sophicated in his new clan

Why don't you go up to him and ask to be his apprentice?

Oh Mama, I would, but he looks like a dentist

Well a little bit more brushing wouldn't do your gums any harm

Oh Mum, I said, but she was having none of it and grabbed me by the arm

Hey there Mr Cro-Mo can you teach my son to think?

He needs a good role model, 

and Cro-Mo just blinked

And then he looked me up and down, 

and gave a wink then a frown

Then in his eyes I saw a twinkle

Like the stars had come out

He said sure I can take him on, but he'll work night and day

And when his time is over he won't receive any pay

Except life experience and that's worth more than fine bones

So my mother signed a contract that was written in stone

You come here everyday he said, at the hour of four

And you fetch all the tools, and leave them at my door

As I'm building something marvellous

It's big and round and rolls

But it's looking pretty cumbersome

So I am filling it with holes

Just to make it lighter? I said with a laugh

He said, yeah, you got it kid

Then he trundled down his path

I never will forget the day I left the cave behind

And I opened up a new door that opened up my mind

Smart Thinking

 So I thought

I'd be sophisticated and buy myself

Some Smart Water

The plastic bottle

seemed more intelligent

and more environmentally friendly

Because it was labelled Smart

And so I thought

I was both helping to save the

Environment

While at the same time

Rehydrating

When in fact, I could have just gone home and turned on the tap

Now that is Smart

Chessebel

 She was a real chessebel

Ready for the quick bishop

To knight resell

In the virtues of a court of pawns

The jester danced upon the lawns

Of Apricot Sundays

And White frog spawn

That grew in Lily of the Valley pools

And the Lady of the lake rose up

Beknighted by the Chalice cup

The Knight of Vespers sure did sup

Upon the poisoned arrows of Archers

Which lined the City walls

Of the Citadels

But it was the move of the Chessebel

She turned his towers and her rook did sweep

Down upon the city's keep

And Castles fall, and knaves and fools

Balance on the Sword of Damocles

But the Black knights rose and mounted a defence

In the forked tongued attack of a vipers offense

Striking in spikes, and spurs and spines

That daggered the white lady's sunshines

Yet dazzled as she was, she never lost her crown

Only in the balance of what goes up must come down

And sallied forth her armies

To justify her ken

As in the dawn light rallies

The army of brave men

Fire on the barrow

 Do you remember when the fire came ?

The burning bushes, grass tufts in flame

And so long sang the thrushes, the dew berry the same

I remember said the rabbit of the barrow

The fire lighter's shame

We ran scrambled, all the animals

The little snails in their houses succumbed 

Somehow said the sparrow, things now

Seem so different, just a passing dream of tragedy

Commented the hedgehog of the hedgerow

Simple like a melody, but a chorus of fiery tongues

Licking and singeing the branches of the oak

The elders and the brambles soon went up in smoke

The fell was swept, the dale dealt a terrible blow

Dancing in the twigs and lifting peat sods

Where we trod with hopping tip toe

The hawks circle above, no meal of mouse or shrew

They were but cremated martyrs on the altar of an autumn dew

Only a little farther the survivors had to trudge into adjacent treelines

Foliage to shelter in and watch the holocaust of barrow down

Extinction Rebellion

 Welcome to the Climate change activists ball

Entry requirements:

First you must have previously spent the majority of your working life

Working for either an oil company or

alternatively an airline

From this you must have earnt enough money to

afford a safe and secure home

And a safe and secure pension

Then you need to retire

And then feel guilty enough about

Your nice comfortable home

And the world's poor

And the whole inequality of life

That leaves you in the Haves

and the rest of humanity in the have nots

That you then protest about what got you into that 

position in the first place

But about which

You are doing nothing 

such as selling your home and giving the proceeds to 

Some poor folk

Instead stay strong and secure and wear the mask of Rebellion

Without really living your working life as one

River dive

 By the bed of the river I lie, boys

By the beds of the river I lie

By the bed of the river,

when my soul is all a quiver

By the bed of the river I lie

Oh why has the river run dry, boys?

Why has the river run dry

The mountain was a giver

And the tall pines shiver

Tell me why has the river run dry?

I hold my breath and go under

I hold my breath and then I dive

Down in the river, 

when my soul is all a quiver

Down in the river I dive